Have you?

Have you ever fell in love and got so heartbroken that you thought life was over?
I have.

Have you had so much hope on something but were let down?
I have.

Have you ever woke up and felt like the day wasn't going to be right?
I have.

Have you ever lost someone close to you that you're still wishing that they were still there?
I have.

Have you hated someone so much that it hurts?
I have.

Have you felt like giving up on people?
I have.

but then again...

Have you ever fell in love and kept on loving this person till this very day?
I am.

Have you ever had so much hope on something and it pays off?
I have.

Have you ever woke up and be thankful to God for another day to be alive?
I am.

Have you ever lost someone and glad to have beautiful memories with that person?
I have.

Have you ever loved someone till it hurts?
I do.

Have you ever had your faith restored in people?
I have.

To have and to do these are not wrong. It is a part of life and it is a part of our being. We were created by God the Almighty to be able to choose things in life. To be able to act and react upon situations and problems given to you.

But what makes your life better is totally up to you. You are the one that makes it better or not. Because it is your life and you have only...

ONE of it.

Cherish it with love and fill it with joy.

(heh...it's just one of those days that I feel like posting something like this...no reason really, just that I'm happy to be alive...that's all...)

ScreenShots: A Stop In Motion

Last Tuesday (1st March 2011) an event was held by my students from our faculty. It was a small simple event called ScreenShots: A Stop in Motion.

Now, what is ScreenShots? It was actually an idea I had awhile back, in 2009. It was supposed to be a screening events for students to showcase their animated or video works. The first ScreenShots: A Series of Experimental Short Films which was held in 2009. It was an amalgam of videos which included music videos, comedy and horror shorts. It was a very very simple screening event and was supposed to be the start of a creative visual fest for students.

And here again, in 2011...ScreenShots is back. But this time it was animation. Not just any kind of animation...

it was Stop Motion.

The idea to do a stop motion project came after I saw a bunch of stop motion videos by amateur animators, and together with another colleague of mine we set forth on this journey to make ScreenShots: A Stop in Motion a reality.

After months of working with the students, teaching them the usage of framing, scenes, character design, storytelling and Adobe Flash...they were ready. Despite the corrections that they had to do, one thing for sure was they had fun. It was tedious, but the fun they had made them wanted to do the best they can.

There were so many memorable animated shorts by students and not to mention Diploma students which shown that with a little push and a little guidance, they can achieve anything. I'm not being bias, but my students proved to me that they had the creativity, the drive and the motivation to do what ever they can. And for that...I am proud to be a part of their education.

If it was possible, I wanted to show off all of their works...just to share with everybody. But alas, time was a constraint and I had to screen those that filled the criteria I needed. No matter, to me they were all winners and deserved mentions.

To DG08A and B, you all did a wonderful job despite having so much work to do. And it was a pleasure to be able to assist you guys and gals.

To DG09, you all are a group that has the right stuffs. You all had the maturity, the drive and the commitment to do your work well. Please keep being the way you are and I know that one day, it will be an asset. I am very proud of you all and it was an honor and privilege to meet and become a part of your education.

ScreenShots: A Stop in Motion was a success and hopefully that they next one will be bigger and maybe, one day...we can do...

ScreenShots: A Tale Through Time...(combining all the students video works...)

Here's to hoping!

Some pics to share.

Project manager Atang discussing with me on his speech. Our MC, Sara was busy writing down her thoughts...

Attendees were our beloved Prof. Madya Tn. Hj. Hashim Hassan among lecturers Pn. Aziyana and Miss Shamini.

Assistant Registrar En. Azman Kamal, En Fendi Shas and few other lecturers and students.

Not forgetting my dearest wife, who has helped by taking photos and also being my main cheerleader for the event.

To My Daughter Khazana Theressa

Well, I'm not sure if I'm still around when you read this...but I would just like to tell you that I'm writing or typing this even before you were born.

To my beautiful daughter Khazana...I dreamed of you again last night. Yes. You have been frequenting my dreams a lot lately and each time I have to wake up, it hurts. In the dreams I would hold you and look at you, feeling so much love for this child. But when I wake up, my heart aches cause I had to wake up to a world without you.

Your mother knows the feeling, and she feels sad that you're not here yet. But I told her it's okay, since I know that you're somewhere. Waiting patiently to come into our lives. I guess God wants you to come to us when we're ready. And I for one wouldn't want anything to happen to you nor not able to give the things that you need and want. Sometimes I feel that you're with me, looking at me with your round beautiful eyes and with full honesty just as how your mother looks at me.

To be honest, as I am typing this I am missing you my daughter. Funny as you are not even here yet I am missing you.

Last night I dreamed that we haven't named you yet. Yes my dear, you had many names before your mother and I agreed on one. Finally we decided to name you Khazana Theressa. The first part of your name was your mother's idea. And it suited you very well, since you are our treasure. And Theressa? Well, I have loved that name for a very long time.

To my daughter Khazana, I know in my heart that you will grow to be a beautiful and intelligent girl just as your mother (if you haven't realized that yet, that was the reason I married her...). You will be responsible and will be able to see which is right or which is wrong. You would come to me for advice and you would love me for who I am. Your father. You would see me as your hero as I would want to be. When you are in doubt, you can always come to me and know that no matter what...I will always love you.

I don't know if you would have any siblings or not, but know this...I will love them just as much as I love you. I will care for them just as I have for you.

But last night I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of the daughter that I would love to have and hold in my arms.

And I am missing her, and hope that I will see her again when I sleep tonight until she comes into my life.

I hope that after reading this in the future, you will know how much I wanted you to be in my life. If there were any misunderstandings or your angry at me for something, just know that I have loved you even before you were born. And I am still loving you no matter what.

Love,
Your Father
Mohd Izham

Fatigue

I'm tired.

Yes I am.

I took a whole week of from work with my wife. Reason for being trying to finish up what I can of my commissioned works.

But what I'm really tired of what people tell me. What people say that I can and can't do. Yeah I know, I'm 33 and I still have people telling me things. I really don't mind actually. It's okay. And I like it that people around me know what I can do.

But it gets tiresome.

It gets boring.

It gets mundane.

Why? Because I don't think that way of myself.

Everyday I am reminded of my thesis. Everybody saying that 'Oh you can write and speak english so well, you definitely can finish it less than a few months...'

What if I can't?

'You can do whatever you want...It's all in your mind!'

What if it isn't?

'People who are doing they're thesis has a common problem. The language and understanding...you don't have that'

What if I'm just like them. What if I have no freaking idea what am I doing?

'Come on...just do the thesis and get it over with...have you started?'

Everyday I am reminded of it. All the time. Not that I'm being ungrateful, it's just that sometimes I just don't want to do it. Is that so hard to understand? Yeah, with a masters I can get a bigger better pay. True. And I really need the money. God knows how much. And it's tiresome to be reminded that I blundered myself in my finances way back. And it's tiresome that it's biting my ass...every single day.

I am blessed. True. I love my life. I love the people around me.

But for now...I'm just tired. In mind. In soul. In spirit.

I'm tired of thinking and worrying. So much noise in my head. So much static.

Every. Single. Day.

All I want is a moment of peace...in my mind. Is that so much to ask?

People have been going around with 'The Secret' thing. The laws of attraction. Want to know my secret? My secret is trying to survive everyday without falling apart.

I just needed to let this out. It's not meant to hurt anybody.

I'm just tired.

Backflashing and Autobots...

It's 4 a.m in the morning...

I finished building another tank for a friend of mine and now my brain is kinda 'up'. Actually I wanted to post earlier but I got hooked up on something else...so when's a good time to blog?

4 a.m...yeah...

Well, it all started a few days ago...lately I've been having flashbacks of my childhood. It's like when I pass somewhere and it just triggers it. And I can actually feel the emotions at that moment...

You see...when I was in primary school I was a victim of bullying. Yes. I'm not ashamed to admit it. In the last two years of my life in primary school I was called names and pushed around by so called, leaner, faster and cooler kids.

Let's start from the beginning...you see, my education started abroad. So when I came back to Malaysia, I was in the mid of the year and enrolled in a normal school. The first day of school was quite horrible that I was culture shocked. And that my dear readers was how I became the fat kid of the class and later school.

I was always last in whatever sports involved running. I was chosen last when we had soccer matches, and sometimes I was only picked since they wanted to just kick the ball AT me...not TO me. It was tough. Due to my size, even some teachers thought I was dumb. I didn't excel at anything and later the kids found a nickname to call and tease me. I was the kid that just wanted to be with friends. To play around...talk and have fun.

I thought wrong.

In standard 5 and 6, I was tormented. Somehow those kids forgot my real name and kept on calling me by that ugly nickname. But me, wanting to be friends...I let them. It hurt my every being. And I got fatter and fatter. I remember my mum saying that I was becoming selfish when it came to food. She was right.

I was fat, ugly, selfish and stupid.

But you know who actually kept me from my path of self depreciation? From further falling into a place where I would never be able to crawl out?

Optimus Prime and his Autobots.

Yup...the fictional character from a cartoon series. And among a few more shows...and their toys. They were the ones that kept me from bad to worst. No matter how bad things were at school, I knew when I got home my 'real' friends would be waiting. My own world where the only limit is my imagination. As soon as I step foot into my room, it becomes another world. Where there are heroes...where good will always triumph. The bullied are safe from bullies.

Why didn't I tell my mum about what I was going through? I guess I wanted to fight my own battles. I didn't want to be the boy who cries 'mama' each time he faces a problem. My mum only knew many years later of my ordeal and she wondered why I never told her.

Later in highschool it was totally different for me. But that's another story...

What I'm trying to say is that toys helped me a lot when I was young. It not only gave me the power to imagine...to be creative...but it also helped me by being my friends when I felt that I had no one. They played out stories that made me laugh and cry. They took me on adventures and expeditions...Where I learned of true friendship and responsibility.

Toys weren't just plastic that I play with, it was a part of my life. A part of me growing up.

Yeah, maybe I was a victim of bullies in school...but if that didn't happen...

I would have never had Optimus Prime and the Autobots as my friends.

I became who I am today if not for the things that I had to go through.

And I am proud of who I am.

Till next posting!

Quitting For Now

Yeah...

Once reading the title you all might be pondering what am I quitting...heh...

Actually this has something to do with my previous posting. Yesterday my wife and I went to meet up with our housing agent and fill in the forms for the loan. And another super news came from our agent stating that there's another unit that if a client of his cancels, will be available by next year in May!! And not to mention an end lot unit!! If things weren't getting better...Alhamdulillah...

That comes to what I wanted to share...I'll be quitting from collecting toys and models, for now that is. I've told my wife that my last item would be one more figure that will be released only next year. After that...there won't be anymore.

I know, some might scoff at what I'm saying...I know...especially my buddies in the world of toy collecting that is...to them, the idea of quitting is just in the head...LOL...

But I'm serious this time around. I guess my priorities are different now then it was before. It used to be trying to get the best figures or the ones that I liked, but it's different as I'm living my life day to day. I remember when I used to dream of being married, having a nice landed property with kids running around...yeah...and I'm living through it now...

Getting married and buying a house really changes your view on life.

The question of why has a pretty simple answer. I want to make my home beautiful. I want to furnish the living room with exquisite furniture (I have my eyes on this awesome 5K sofa from Harvey Norman) and design my studio as how I have always seen it...

My priorities are to my growing family and our home. To make life better and to make sure that my children grow up as I grew up...enjoying their childhood...run around the grass and have adventures that only their wonderful minds could create...

Once in awhile I might pickup a figure...but it all depends on wether I still want to or not, it is now by choice...

For now, Master Chief and Cortana has found their home...in a new colony outside the outer rims...(actually Puncak Alam isn't as far as some might think...)

And hopefully once we've set up our new base of operations, there will be little Spartan II's making it a much livelier place...

I thank Allah the Al-Mighty for giving us this chance. And hopefully I can also be a better Muslim, husband and father...

The Goof Groove Mood...

Heya peeps...

Yeah..its been over a month. Well, the last post was a day before my birthday. I'm 33 now. Yep. Yessirree...33 years old. But to reach that particular birthday was a roller coaster of a ride. It was the most challenging 3 weeks for me.

I'm still 'ere. Means I survived it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And yes. I do feel stronger. More confident. More assertive of myself.

Someone asked me if I've stopped blogging, well actually not that I've stopped...I'm just lazy sometimes...and I think if I wanted to write about something...I should write about something that matters.

From the date of my last entry there were a bunch of stuff that went on. Good stuffs. One of it was receiving almost 200+ birthday wishes on my Facebook page. All I can say it meant something to me. Each and every wish was replied. Yep. Each one. But it was worth it.

But the one thing that I'd like to share is that my wife and me have...(FINALLY)...been able to procure a house. With land. Eventhough it'll be ready in almost 2 years, it will be worth the wait. God knows our search for a house that was within our price range was getting depressing by the day. We had to take into account of a lot of things...distance, area, pricing, developer and so many...dear God...so many other reasons. Last weekend, we found what we were looking for...but it was all sold out...but we still gave our names for the waiting list and quietly prayed that there was something...a unit at least for us.

Last Tuesday was considered the downward spiral for both of us into the depths of depression. Yeah, we were tired and weary of going to and fro to areas and show houses. As the end of the day was coming to an end...my wife looked as though she was going to burst into tears. But I kept on telling her that there is a house...waiting somewhere for us. We just need to keep our heads up and hopes high...All she said was, 'You're a very optimistic person Yayang...I love you'. I guess, learning to be optimistic was a very long and painful journey and it must have been for the days that I go through now...

But then...a phone call I received the next day made both of us realize, that being optimistic and believing in God has its rewards. We got it.

We got a unit. And not just any unit...the one we wanted. The bigger one.

My wife felt like a heavy boulder has been hefted off her and I felt a kind of relief and joy of this sudden amazing news. Then we started imagining on the stuffs that we wanted to do, until to a point that my dear lil' wife couldn't sleep. She was that excited!!

It'll be a bit far, but I think we'll manage. So in 2012...insyaallah, we will be residents of Shah Alam 2, Puncak Alam...a beautiful and breathtaking place surrounded by green and fresh air.

And for the past few days, I've been a bit lazy. Lazy to do my commissioned works. Not that I'm purposely not wanting to do it...it's just that I wanted to take some time off...I'll get cracking on it very soon...but for now...

I just want to goof with the groove...