It's 4 a.m in the morning...
I finished building another tank for a friend of mine and now my brain is kinda 'up'. Actually I wanted to post earlier but I got hooked up on something else...so when's a good time to blog?
4 a.m...yeah...
Well, it all started a few days ago...lately I've been having flashbacks of my childhood. It's like when I pass somewhere and it just triggers it. And I can actually feel the emotions at that moment...
You see...when I was in primary school I was a victim of bullying. Yes. I'm not ashamed to admit it. In the last two years of my life in primary school I was called names and pushed around by so called, leaner, faster and cooler kids.
I finished building another tank for a friend of mine and now my brain is kinda 'up'. Actually I wanted to post earlier but I got hooked up on something else...so when's a good time to blog?
4 a.m...yeah...
Well, it all started a few days ago...lately I've been having flashbacks of my childhood. It's like when I pass somewhere and it just triggers it. And I can actually feel the emotions at that moment...
You see...when I was in primary school I was a victim of bullying. Yes. I'm not ashamed to admit it. In the last two years of my life in primary school I was called names and pushed around by so called, leaner, faster and cooler kids.
Let's start from the beginning...you see, my education started abroad. So when I came back to Malaysia, I was in the mid of the year and enrolled in a normal school. The first day of school was quite horrible that I was culture shocked. And that my dear readers was how I became the fat kid of the class and later school.
I was always last in whatever sports involved running. I was chosen last when we had soccer matches, and sometimes I was only picked since they wanted to just kick the ball AT me...not TO me. It was tough. Due to my size, even some teachers thought I was dumb. I didn't excel at anything and later the kids found a nickname to call and tease me. I was the kid that just wanted to be with friends. To play around...talk and have fun.
I thought wrong.
In standard 5 and 6, I was tormented. Somehow those kids forgot my real name and kept on calling me by that ugly nickname. But me, wanting to be friends...I let them. It hurt my every being. And I got fatter and fatter. I remember my mum saying that I was becoming selfish when it came to food. She was right.
I was fat, ugly, selfish and stupid.
But you know who actually kept me from my path of self depreciation? From further falling into a place where I would never be able to crawl out?
Optimus Prime and his Autobots.
Yup...the fictional character from a cartoon series. And among a few more shows...and their toys. They were the ones that kept me from bad to worst. No matter how bad things were at school, I knew when I got home my 'real' friends would be waiting. My own world where the only limit is my imagination. As soon as I step foot into my room, it becomes another world. Where there are heroes...where good will always triumph. The bullied are safe from bullies.
Why didn't I tell my mum about what I was going through? I guess I wanted to fight my own battles. I didn't want to be the boy who cries 'mama' each time he faces a problem. My mum only knew many years later of my ordeal and she wondered why I never told her.
Later in highschool it was totally different for me. But that's another story...
What I'm trying to say is that toys helped me a lot when I was young. It not only gave me the power to imagine...to be creative...but it also helped me by being my friends when I felt that I had no one. They played out stories that made me laugh and cry. They took me on adventures and expeditions...Where I learned of true friendship and responsibility.
Toys weren't just plastic that I play with, it was a part of my life. A part of me growing up.
Yeah, maybe I was a victim of bullies in school...but if that didn't happen...
I would have never had Optimus Prime and the Autobots as my friends.
I became who I am today if not for the things that I had to go through.
And I am proud of who I am.
I was always last in whatever sports involved running. I was chosen last when we had soccer matches, and sometimes I was only picked since they wanted to just kick the ball AT me...not TO me. It was tough. Due to my size, even some teachers thought I was dumb. I didn't excel at anything and later the kids found a nickname to call and tease me. I was the kid that just wanted to be with friends. To play around...talk and have fun.
I thought wrong.
In standard 5 and 6, I was tormented. Somehow those kids forgot my real name and kept on calling me by that ugly nickname. But me, wanting to be friends...I let them. It hurt my every being. And I got fatter and fatter. I remember my mum saying that I was becoming selfish when it came to food. She was right.
I was fat, ugly, selfish and stupid.
But you know who actually kept me from my path of self depreciation? From further falling into a place where I would never be able to crawl out?
Optimus Prime and his Autobots.
Yup...the fictional character from a cartoon series. And among a few more shows...and their toys. They were the ones that kept me from bad to worst. No matter how bad things were at school, I knew when I got home my 'real' friends would be waiting. My own world where the only limit is my imagination. As soon as I step foot into my room, it becomes another world. Where there are heroes...where good will always triumph. The bullied are safe from bullies.
Why didn't I tell my mum about what I was going through? I guess I wanted to fight my own battles. I didn't want to be the boy who cries 'mama' each time he faces a problem. My mum only knew many years later of my ordeal and she wondered why I never told her.
Later in highschool it was totally different for me. But that's another story...
What I'm trying to say is that toys helped me a lot when I was young. It not only gave me the power to imagine...to be creative...but it also helped me by being my friends when I felt that I had no one. They played out stories that made me laugh and cry. They took me on adventures and expeditions...Where I learned of true friendship and responsibility.
Toys weren't just plastic that I play with, it was a part of my life. A part of me growing up.
Yeah, maybe I was a victim of bullies in school...but if that didn't happen...
I would have never had Optimus Prime and the Autobots as my friends.
I became who I am today if not for the things that I had to go through.
And I am proud of who I am.
Till next posting!
4 comments:
Best giler entry ni bang!!! I am so inspired and sape yang bully u tu??? Meh sini aku shoryuken sedas!!!! Takpe, one shall rise, and one shall fall, and I hope they burn in hell, MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!! and yayang, U GOT THE TOUCH.
Router here(think I'll set up my own account later.. For now, this)
Eh reminds me. We're from different backgrounds but that doesn't stop us from sharing similar stories. I was pretty much the same, we never know what happened to you during high school but me, I only practically came to know myself(and stopped being bullied) during the early diploma years. I got tired of being bullied and defended myself for the first time. Wonder if it's the same for you.. Well it's your story, I won't force you telling us about it.
Due to this prolonged & repetitive experience I constantly stopped relying on things throughout the experience, so I can't really recall anything I'm attached to though. It's quite a problem since I don't really have any profound interest... D: Though on the bright side it also means it's easier for me to move on when I got let go, and similarly to familiarize myself with something I only recently came across with.
One thing I can say for sure though, is that bullies suck. They don't know how to have fun(you'll usually see them whining out of boredom the most compared to other people) and find their joy in making others suffer. But yeah, thanks to them, we grow to be more mature.
Psstt....
I made up a 'cartoon day' on monthly basis during my childhood. And tho I'm not as much into robots like you, I made up a character for myself to join the thundercats when I was 11. I was never bullied at school. (Or maybe I never took them seriously to let myself feels that way)And I was never a bully either.
See, everyone could use a hero or two (or even more) in our lives. It somewhat 'saves' us in a way nobody else could ever imagine. And it don't matter if you are being bullied or even a bully themselves.
'Duh! YOU and your toys!! :p' - now, does by saying this makes me a bully to you? :p hehehe
-aeZza-
Hey bro, I feel ya man. The way you describe urself, you remind me of...ME!
Well, except for the toy part, which I didn't have, due to the fact both my parents are lowly govt servant...we just can't afford it.
I have always been misunderstood, even till now ( my dad keep nagging me to sell my collection...murah2...sheesh , but I just keep holding on, keeping all the pain to myself while showing my sunnier side to the world...
You be strong, brother!
Post a Comment