While You Were Away...

Usually when I'm left alone I'd be doing a bunch of stuff while waiting. I think its the 'I-can't-stay-idle' syndrome that I've had ever since I decided not wanting to be lazy anymore. But mind you that I do the occasional laze around sessions which I totally do not move a muscle.

Anyhoo, while I'm downloading some mp3's of an old album that I lost many-many years ago, I was blog hopping. Going to some of my friends blogs and also students (what a way to spend some time...) and at the same time thinking of how to execute my artworks for our Zirkon exhibit (yes...our dean gave us 1 year and as usual, we're doing it last minute...but hey, I was getting married okay...heh...).

I came across my dear sister in law's blog. Her last entry was on the 12th of Aug 2009. I read it and it was a really short entry but somehow it struck a nerve with me. The nerve was struck strikingly hard that it vibrated through my head for quite a while...

She had finished reading a book by Mitch Albom titled 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'. I have never heard the book but I think I have come across the title somewhere, but she quoted something from the book...

Holding anger is a poison.It eats you from inside.
We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.
But hatred is a curved blade.
And the harm we do,we do to ourselves.

Those words rang quite true in me.

I guess it hit close to home. Very close.

As some of my friends could attest or vouch, I can be quite temperamental (a nicer way of having trouble with anger management...or...well...you know...). Came to my mind was two incidents that almost cost me a lot of pain being put upon certain individuals. Yes, I was at the verge of slugging them full force on the noggin'.

Actually there was a force that saved me for unleashing my ever expanding rage...hahahaha...yes, I kid you not. And I came to a conclusion that God interrupted me in some way. Saving me and also saving that of those who were nigh close to being clobbered. That got me to thinking, why? Why did God played his hand in it?

Then I remembered a dream I had. The dream involved someone close and has the same temper as me (or maybe more...we never gauged that...haha) but in the dream he was shouting, swearing and was reaaaaalllyyy pissed. And I remember that I felt fear. Is this the feeling people around me get when I get angry?

Then it all came to me. God saved me twice. From actually giving in to my anger. Why? Because I now have someone that I need to take care of. And not just her, but a few people that rely on me. If I actually gave in, the repercussions of my action will not just be on me alone, but all those who I love and care. And that, I am thankfully to Allah the Almighty in saving me.

Alhamdulillah.

As I have always believed, He works in mysterious ways.

Thankfully I saw it before anything that I might regret happened.

And I need to change.

For the better.