Just listening...

Couple of days back someone shared with me something amazing. Something that I used to do but have forgotten about it. It was a wonderful and beautiful experience and I for one would look forward to it again...

What was it you may ask...

Let me share.

Before anything, I would like to mention that I am now with someone who is truly wonderful and amazing. She is all that I ask and more. She makes me laugh uncontrollably and she puts me to sleep with her beautiful voice. She gives me excitement when she looks at me. She makes me feel sure and strong by her touch and her smile...penetrates my heart and makes me into a pile of mush (good mush that is...).

Yeah...she's my girlfriend/future wife and the spark of my life. She is Irina Hariati. Even just by saying her name makes me smile. Such a beautiful name belonging to someone so perfect...

i thank Allah the Almighty in putting her in my life.

A few days ago I walked her back to her place. We both work at the same university and she lives close by. So we walked (something that I haven't done for a looooong time...) we panted...hahaha...but we laughed...we smiled and kept talking...until we got near her place she took me by the arm and pulled me to a flight of stairs...

"Let's have a seat" she said and we did. She mentions that sometimes she sits here and listens. All I could see at that moment was how beautiful she was amidst the soothing shine of the evening light...

"Close your eyes and listen" how soft her voice was that I instantly did it with no hesitation...

And something amazing happened...

A soothing breeze flowed passed us...and then the rustling of leaves...then...

It was as though they were singing...a tune that you can't describe but made you feel warm and think about Allah the Almighty. How His beauty encompasses everything around us and how magnificent His creations are.

I sat there with Irin next to me. She wrapped her arms around mine and I could sense that she felt the same way. So we both had our eyes closed and sat there.

Doing nothing. Just listening...

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She still had her eyes closed. And my heart felt so much love coming from this person. She was not just in love with me, she was in love with all that He has created. The beauty that she sees surpasses those of normal eyesight and her understanding of it makes it even more amazing...She is amazing. And again I thank God for having her come into my life.

We talked. And I told her of my stories. I told her that I have forgotten to just sometimes sit back and just enjoy life and its surroundings. I was so caught up in life that I had totally forgotten about enjoying the simpler things in life.

She kept looking at me and she smiled. How her smile melts me everytime...

And as always, time is not ours to control as it became apparent it was getting late. I took her hand and walked her back to her apartment and all the while smiling.

Irina Hariati...the spark of my life, you have shared with me something so beautiful, and have reminded me that there is more to life than what we see...I thank you.

I will always remember that day and I will not forget...

And I am deeply and madly in love with you...

Tis Lost The Feeling...

Here I am...

Wondering...

Hurting...

Lost...

What do you do when the person you cared and loved begs you to stay. Begs you to stay or she will do something stupid...What do you do when you try to be as gentle as you can, but yet your hand is forced into doing something that sounds heartless...

What do you do?

When put in certain situations, sometimes we are lost as to what decision and choices to make. We look up into the sky and pray to God to show me the way.

No goofing for the time being I guess.

Just a constant struggle to battle my inner demons and needs...

I hope in the long run...that what I truly want will be given to me.

I pray for a miracle. I pray to you God. To give which I desire.

It's 4a.m.

Here I am...up and awake at 4am in the morning...

Why? I was doing some work earlier and fell asleep...I get kinda tired for the past few weeks, maybe its due to my tasks as a exam secretariat...or maybe my markings...or maybe the late excursions with a good friend of mine (if u can call 8pm late...hah).

Anyhoo...as usual, if I wake up in the middle of the night..I'd do some work, my comission works that is and turn on some movie just to keep the enivronment in my room..how shall we say...lively. So I'm watching Macross Zero at the moment and like before, I still don't get it...but it pretty is a good show and I love the mecha designs.

I just finished priming the work that I was suppose to do (to know more, check out my other 'professional' blog http://www.rkdesigns.blogspot.com) and waiting for the paints to dry...in awhile I'll start working on the base coat and soon the main colors. I love what I do. Seriously. But sometimes...I wish I could do things I want to do. Especially building my model kits, draw my comics (which I have left for quite sometime...) and among other things...heck I want to do so many things right now that I am so wishing that minimum sleep required is only 2 hours...hahaha...

But then again, the need for money is much more important. Everyday survival is much needed than anything else even my own self satisfaction. Guess thats why I buy actions figures as well...just to keep my heart at bay from degradation of not being able to satisfy my inner cravings. That'll have to do for the moment until I finally get the peace of mind regarding my financial standings...

Tomorrow or today if you look at it will be my last day of exam secretariat duties. It is kinda of a relief but then again, its kinda sad since the past 3 weeks has been quite a ride. I've come to know these people who I work together with in the same university and they aren't just a swell bunch, but they're nuts! And I love spending every moment of my time in the secretariat room...I'm gonna miss that. All I know, they better sign me up again next semester since we all made promises to meet up again for secretariat duties...and I know one person who I'll enjoy having with that has vowed (is that too dramatic? hahahaha) to join me for the duties next semester...It's going to be fun to have you on board miss IrinaIrony...hehehehe...

Well, looks like the paints dry and its coming to 4.30am...got a few more things to do inclusive of re-typing the minutes to a meeting (I seriously dunno what happened on that day...hahaha)...

Until my next entry! Tally-Ho!!

Exam Secretariat July-Nov 2008

Another Day...

Have you ever felt like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Well it feels kinda shitty right? Happened to me yesterday...(I'm writing this down after midnight, so I can assume its yesterday correct?)...

Honestly I don't even know why I felt that way...Maybe I was tired...Maybe I'm worried about something or maybe I just didn't sleep that well...

What I know is that waking up with a massive migraine can really spoil the day.

I got into office later in the day around 1pm...went straight to the Exam Secretariat room (my other crazy family that I love hanging out with...) Grab something to eat (free food no pass...) and stood watch for the afternoon sessions exams. Then went with the other Exam Secretariat members to do our photo shoot. Yep. We had it done. Guess the team this semester is all crazy and we felt that a photo session would be an awesome ride.

Then went upstairs to my faculty. I sat down. Turned on my computer. And took out my students list to continue with my marking. Then something happened (I can't reveal what since its inappropriate). All of a sudden I was gushed by bad feelings. Feelings that I know very well is wrong and I shouldn't have.

I got pissed. At myself and at my surroundings. And marking student's works weren't helping either.

The longer I felt that way, the angrier I got and the more depressed I got.

So I turned on some music. Louder than usual. Turned the visuals for iTunes and just watched the mesmerizing images that came to the screen. I was trying really hard not to lash out at anybody. I don't think anybody deserves my tongue lashing. So I kept quiet.

And I noticed that my dear neighbour was quiet as well. Later I found out she felt the negative vibes coming from my place. heh...that obvious huh?

It took me sometime to get myself together. I guess I realised that it was foolish to feel what I felt and I shouldn't let it come to me. But as they say, we're only human. And being a human, we are to make mistakes since we come with personal flaws.

One thing I realised, my life is good. And whatever that comes along the way, I'll have to take it in stride and not let the complexities and the ugly feelings get to me. It's not worth it.

So I hope to wake up tomorrow with renewed vigor...

Goodnight and salutations to all...