Why?

I'm tired.

Yeah. Right this moment I am. Fell asleep for a bit while reading HALO: Contact Harvest, and now I feel a bit energized. But yet I'm still tired.

Why?

Coz I get tired after being pissed off. Yep. Apparently being ticked off uses much of my energy nowadays. LOL.

Why the anger you ask the goofing groover?

You see earlier today I found out that a a group or a few people said some pretty bad things about me. Yes. Another one. But it came from a few people. To my 2nd boss. Yes, pretty shitty right? How I knew? A few people who weren't happy with what was happening came to me. They were unhappy and felt unjust with what happened. They came and told me to be ready.

Actually I was really caught off-guard with it. But I chose to ease down on the rage and keep my head level. At first all I wanted to do was rush to these so called 'backstabbing bastards' and pile up a few kilograms of pure Spartan II fists in their faces.

But what good will it do? It'll only prove them right and I have stooped to their stupidity and ignorance. And I for one am not in that league.

My wife and colleagues came to my aid. They talked and tried very hard to keep me calm. And upon posting a status on my FB page, my students came to my aid...which really help me wind down and remember what I was here in the first place. (Thank you all!)

I came to Unisel officially in 2007. With that I brought in my heart that I wanted to share my knowledge and experience to the younger generation of designers. I filled my head with grand ideas on how to teach effectively and plans so that the groups of graduating Art and Design students of Unisel are the best of the best.

Yes. That was my dream. It still was until earlier today.

I was shattered when I was told that I was bias...some students felt that I didn't teach them anything...I didn't give them the marks they deserved...and a bunch of other things that was kinda hard to believe that I did. I was so angry but yet I was sad and frustrated as well.

After awhile the sadness actually kicks in. And here I am...typing this very words with my heart aching. As a friend of mine mentioned in one of his comments, 'this is one of the challenges of an educator'. How true it is.

My approach in class has always been free. Why? Because being free unties the bonds of creativity. I joke. I tell stories. I teach. All the while hoping that what I impart on these young minds are knowledge that they can use in the future. That is an educator's hope.

But what happens when the joy that you instill in class is misused? Taken advantage? When students simple does not come to class because...they simply don't want to? The first thing you'd look at yourself and try to fix the situation. But when the situation does not improve? You work with what you can and adapt.

That is what I did and now it bites me in the ass. What a wonderful turn of events aye?

I'm bias?
Yes. Yes I am. I'm bias to students who commit themselves to my classes and do their work. I'm bias to students who are honest with me and want to learn. I'm bias to students who submit their work on time and shows effort in doing it. I'm bias to students who come to see me to show their work progress and gives me originality. If that is what I am bias about then yes, guilty as charged.

They didn't learn much in my class?
Well, I think I've been teaching for almost 4 years now and this is new. I mean how can you learn anything if your always missing from class? Don't these students understand that coming to class means coming to get knowledge. Do they expect me to go to their house and teach them while their sleeping and snoring in their comfy smelly beds? Coming to class late means you've missed a good portion of lecture and you can't expect me to give you a full 2 hour lecture again? Don't you think it's unfair to your early bird friends? So tell me my dear students, which part of your story is true? Did I or did I Not teach you enough? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask that.

They say they didn't get the marks they deserve?
How can I give you an 'A' for an effort that deserved a 'D'? How can I pass the student when it is clear that he or she submitted work that is a complete failure? Do these students not understand that if you want an 'A' then they should give me an 'A' effort. Not sketches on a piece of A3 paper and a character design done in the few minutes before your presentation. Plagiarism, should there even be marks for that?!! This is where the 'not-coming-to-class' PLUS the crappy work submitted comes to play. And you expect me to give you an 'A'?

So yes, at this moment I am sad. Why? Because there are individuals whom I call students have come to judge me and accuse me of not being a proper teacher.

All I ask is to look at yourself before passing judgment. Look at yourself whether you're the perfect model student to actually utter those words?

I really do hope these students of Art and Design Unisel (they are no students of mine...and from today onwards I do not know them) read this posting. I really do.

But then again...even if they do, will they understand?

I doubt it.

My Cousin Ahmad Fakhruddin (D.D.)

Hello all,

I was blog hopping as usual cause I remember a posting about my late cousin that I posted a long time ago. It was on my Friendster blog, but it was deleted due to inactivity. In the years I thought that the post was lost since the original text itself was gone.

Until today...

Yes apparently the posting was transferred to another account of mine and I found it...and I would like to share it with you all...

The post was dated 1st July 2004 which was three days after he passed away...

My Cousin

Hey everyone…I’m not used to posting things but I thought of wanting to share something with all of you… On the 29th of June 2004, my cousin, Ahmad Fakhruddin b. Samsudin passed away. He passed away due to some heart complications. He left a wife and a daughter and he was only 23+ years old.

When I first heard the news from my mother, I couldn’t shake off the shock that was going on in my head. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that he was gone. As my mum left me in my room…I cried. He wasn’t just my cousin, he was my unofficial brother. His real brother, him and me were known to be the 3’s Stooges in our family. Despite being only cousins, our bond was just as close as we were real brothers. Whenever I was back in Terengganu, all three of us would get together and do the most craziest things. When we got older, we spent a lot of time talking about our lives. Even though we were but phone calls away, but being around one another was the best. We would talk about our dreams, girl problems, anything to seriousness until nonsensical stuffs. But the times when we were together felt like hours. We’d hang out near the pier at night and talked. Drove around and ‘kacau’ the ‘bapoks’…it was the time of our lives.

Now, he’s gone. No matter how I look at it, he's really gone. During his funeral I kept looking around maybe he would pop up and laugh his head off saying it was a prank. But seeing him on the bed. Lifeless…it was true that he has left this world. Before his burial, I gave my last respects and kissed his forehead. It was cold. How can a body so warm and full of life now be so cold. His brother held my hand and we held each other looking at our brother. It was goodbye. It was the last time, the ‘3’s Stooges’ were together.

Until now as I’m typing this out, my heart still aches. There were a lot of things that I didn’t get a chance to say. But the most is ‘I’m sorry…’ and ‘Goodbye…’ When his body was taken into the earth, I looked on. I looked around and saw the people which lives he has touched. He may not have had a high education, but he had a heart bigger than anybody else. He’s responsibility to his family has always had my respect. He loved his wife and he loved his daughter very much. He didn’t say it, but he acted upon it. And actions do speak louder than words. He had the biggest laugh among us, and there were times that he would talk to me about his problems. Being afraid for his daughter, afraid of what kind of husband and father he would be. But I always told him that he did fine, and there was nothing for him to worry about. Due to that, it shows…what a responsible and loving person my cousin was. D.D, my brother…I’ll miss u a lot…and there won’t be a day from now on that I would ponder on my own mortality and the times we had together…

You’ll always be my brother…

Al-fatihah…

And as I read this again after all these years...I still feel sadden by his passing. I still feel that he was still around and would call me out of the blue just to talk...His passing reminds me of our mortality and what we would like to be remembered for when we are gone...

Even after 6 years...I still miss him.

JUSTIFICATION THROUGH RETALIATION

Hello all...

It has been awhile since I've written anything here. Guess there weren't anything to write about until...

today.

Why you might ask? oh...it's nothing...just a retaliation of some wrongly written things about me. The writer. The current blogger for Goofing Grooves. Moi'.

Okay. Where should I start. Should I copy and paste what was written? My mum says...'yah...u shud.'...

here it is...

I was with this one guy for a few years. I can consider him as one of my serious relationships. He almost fulfilled the requirements that I need in a boyfriend. He was sweet, funny and cute. We even talked about marriage and stuff. But the thing is, he was too immature for me. And his sisters hated me so much and seriously, until today I don’t know why. One of his sisters even tried to do something bad to both of us, and she succeeded. During that time, I was the one who constantly spending my money whenever we go out. Yeah, he was sort of a cheapskate. But I don’t blame him totally, both of us were students at that time. He also controlled my life and he didn’t even like my best friend, and I’ve known my best friend first before him. So, I dumped him. A few years later he did call and ask how was I doing, we both didn’t want to hold any grudges etc, so I treated him as a friend and vice versa. Then, he went MIA for few years, and called me again after I got engaged and that time I think he wasn’t that sincere of being a friend and he actually doesn’t really care if I’m doing ok or not. Because you see, on that both times when he called, he was actually telling me that he has a girlfriend! I mean, he called me only TWICE, YEARS apart from each call and on both times he told me that he has a girlfriend. If you’re truly a friend, you will call me, maybe like once a month to say hi and stuff, right? And he bragged about his relationship and even shared some intimate stuff about his girlfriend with me. WTF?? I don’t know what he was trying to prove. And one thing that makes me want to hate him again for being so immature, he got married just two weeks after I got married! I was in a relationship with mr raiders 7 YEARS before we got married. And this ex of mine got married to his gf just after months of courtship! Memang la org kata jodoh kat tangan Allah, but gimme a break! All that I can see and assumed from my point of view, his ex probably didn’t want to get married early, so he dumped her and knowing that I was getting married, he quickly proposed and marry his new gf so that he can show me that he’s also married. I know I sound so perasan but can’t you get married in 2-3 months time or the next year? Why the date have to be close to mine????

Oh well, syukur sangat I didn’t marry him.

Thats the gist of it. How I knew about this? Well, a personal friend called me up a few hours ago. And told me to look it up. He even texted me the link! (Such a good friend...if you're reading this...thanks bro!)

After reading that (the text colored red) what do you all think? Sounds amusing at the same time eh? I was angry about it. Yes I really was angry. After so long of not feeling this anger, I actually didn't know how to handle it.

I guess what I'm writing right now is purely for justification. I mean...I'm shown here as an 'asshole' and...I got a reputation to keep right?

Alright, let's get down to business...

First and foremost, I don't remember chasing after this girls tail. She was chasing me. Leaving written messages on my dad's car and all...LOL...imagine the look on my dad's face. So there, I felt that I was obligated to attend to this girl's attention. We became a couple. What can I say from this coupling?

Fun. Adventurous. Thrilling. Until...

Yeah, when the fun was over...when the ugliness of oneself starts to show...

It was said I was a cheapskate...That's partly true. I was a student and I believe that I shouldn't spend my money on trash. (oh did I say trash? oops...) I guess she forgot to mention that when I started working I was literally funding her. Yeah. Bought her stuff, paid for things...the usuals, paying the cover charge for those stupid clubs. I hated it, but I still went and paid for the sake of...*gasp* LOVE? hahahahahahahahahahahaha

My sisters didn't like her...well, they still don't. Get over it!

I'm immature. Heck I still am! But when it comes down to things, I man up. Unlike some people who writes about her past exes and make them sound like the victim...oh boo hoo! Now who's immature? Is it still me? Hah!

I controlled her. Wow. That's a big understatement (know what that word is?). It worked both ways my dear. You controlled me, I control you. Even steven. You just didn't get it. Bet you do now eh?

I called TWICE and told her I had a girlfriend at that time cause she asked. Wonder why that slipped from her statement. Oh yeah...the victim. heh. So what was the reason of those calls? Let me remember...

1 - To ask an opinion about something that I can't remember.
2 - To say condolences about her mother's passing. (good grief...someone calls you to say that he's sorry about that and you only thought that he was being an asshole...wow...have some respect woman!)

but this is the best one...

And one thing that makes me want to hate him again for being so immature, he got married just two weeks after I got married! I was in a relationship with mr raiders 7 YEARS before we got married. And this ex of mine got married to his gf just after months of courtship! Memang la org kata jodoh kat tangan Allah, but gimme a break! All that I can see and assumed from my point of view, his ex probably didn’t want to get married early, so he dumped her and knowing that I was getting married, he quickly proposed and marry his new gf so that he can show me that he’s also married. I know I sound so perasan but can’t you get married in 2-3 months time or the next year? Why the date have to be close to mine????

heh...when I read this I was the one that went...WTF?!

Well, I would assume that 7 years was the amount of time that she needed to mature and realising that she needed to get married. Or needed to save money...hardy har har

I for one didn't give a rat's ass about when she was getting married. I didn't even know when she was getting married until I was already planning for my date with the 'kadi'...AFTER OUR ENGAGEMENT!

I left my previous ex because...YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH! it was mutual and we parted well. Unlike that person who left me for dead for the next two weeks...

Yes...you are that perasan la...get over yourself la.

And from what I can see, you still have problems believing in GOD...ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY. Know him? He is the creator of all life...that includes you and what ever you shoved up in your mouth...

Oh...who the FUCK are you to set a date when people should get married. Geez...

Now let's go into some facts that she has...forgotten to mention.

- didn't mention that I spent shitloads of money on her when I was working.
- abusive. physical. yes. if i'm not mistaken, you're the one that punched, kicked and pushed me down the stairs. say whaaaaaaat?
- stupid. yes. you. were.
- you were the one that wanted to get back with me after dumping me...sad ain't it...

Yes she said about not holding grudges and all, but don't you think that she's doing that right...wait for it...about now?

I'm the type that don't write about this kind of things. Especially about ex-girlfriends. Why? Cause I think it's just not so cool. And please la. The past is the past. It's been years...I mean almost a decade. Why do people cling on things like this? Guess some people don't mature as well as I do...eh wait...I'm immature...so that means...oh...I'm wise...yes...like Yoda wise...LOL

Before I shut down, I just wanted this person to know that I never held any grudges when she was seeing another guy behind my back (ANOTHER FACT!) and I'm only doing this in retaliation. That's all.

Oh...one more thing...

After a lot of pondering years before...you're the rebound girlfriend. I never said it or mentioned it cause it was...not cool.

And...

yes...thank ALLAH (remember HIM again?) that we're not married....and another thing, I married the most AWESOME woman in the world. Something that you will never be.

Cheers!

HALO and Me. Again.

Oh hey...Didn't see you there...I'm fine actually, just came out of a bad flu, cough and whatever else that those nasty viruses can do...*cough*...

Well, I have been pretty busy lately. The students are on their break, so we don't have much to do in the office except prepare for our subjects next semester. But I do have things to do at home, especially my commissioned works.

Aside from that, I've been doing a lot of...nothing. LOL.

Actually I wanted to share is what I recently purchased and read.

The story goes, I went to one of our shopping complexes last week with my wife. Headed to my usual stops, but there was nothing new. And all of a sudden I had this sudden urge to go to the other wing. Which I have not gone for...quite sometime.

My wife asks,"Why are we heading to the new wing dear?"

I looked ahead and aswered,"I'm not sure..."

Wife: " Something you want to get?"

Me: "Not really...I just feel like I need to go there..."

Wife: "Oh...okay.."

As soon as we got there, I went to Parkson...and after browsing their toys, we decided to go to the bookstore next to it.

I headed straight to the graphic novels section and started to browse...

Avengers...JLA...Wolverine...X-Men...Transformers...

and suddenly...

a lone book peeked out from those wonderfully arranged books...

my heart skipped a beat...

I was afraid that maybe my eyes were playing tricks...but...

I'm sure...thats...the Chief...

gently I pulled out the book...and...

OMG...

it was 'HALO: The Graphic Novel'...

I grabbed it and went downstairs...spent sometime looking at other books with my wife and paid.

And left.

Once home, gently browsed through the pages and all I can say it was beautiful. Drawn by some of the best talents in the industry and written so well taking all there is about HALO and make it into beautiful storytelling...

And not to mention just the week before, I picked up myself another HALO book titled 'HALO: Ghosts of Onyx' another wonderfully crafted piece of literature by Eric Nylund.

Once I was done with the readings...I realized that the world of HALO is a part of me...

ME, my wife and HALO...

These past few days I've been trying really hard to put something up on this blog. And today I have decided to do it. No need to plan out, just open it up and type what ever that crosses my mind...

Of late I haven't been in sync with my toy collecting part of myself. Why? I kept wondering about that...Heck, I even posted about it in one of the forums I go to...until today I still ask that question. Nowadays, I'm not that crazy about toys. Not like before. Used go bananas at the mere sight of a new toy, but now...Some of my friends said that I'm bored with the toy lines that I collect, they said I needed a change of air...but I don't think so. Maybe I'm bored of the toy collecting field...

You see I'm the type that only buys the one I like or which looks good with awsome poseability. And the figures I have are usually one off for me. I'm not a completist or a poser. I know what I collect. I know the characters. And I have come to know a few if not a lot of people who collects for their own peace of mind. They know the things they collect and they know the characters. Those have become my dear friends and have my absolute respect.

Its the other bunch that I can't stand. Those who collect for bragging rights. Those who knows nothing except that which is a repaint or a reissue. Those who say, "oh...this is nothing much..." and BOOM...you see a figure the size of car...I mean...WTF? What are you trying to prove? It's like comparing who's dick is the longest contest. So maybe that is one of the facts that I'm losing interest...who knows, I might sell off my whole collection and get myself a sofa, a new television set and an X-box!

Now that's where my next paragraph will bring us.

I have realized that sometimes, as a guy we have the tendency to carry on our simple single dude way of life. In our humble home, we don't have a sofa. We use two single mattresses and put a nice cover on it. That's our sofa. It's comfy, it's nice and it's not expensive. I was kinda happy with that, cause having a sofa in our apartment brings to me this problem when we have to move later. Well, that's the dude part of me thinking. I managed to discuss with my cutey little wifey about what I think and she was okay with it.

Or so I thought.

Actually she wanted a sofa. She just agreed with me to make me happy. And for that I felt like a doofus. She has made so much sacrifices for me and I think I should make her happy. Get a sofa. That's all. And worry about how to carry it down all the way from the 11th floor later. I mean, we're not moving that soon...so we can get a sofa. A REALLY NICE SOFA. (here's for you beautiful!)

She gave me the green light for an X-box...so I should make her happy right?

Being married is trying to understand one another and supporting each other. And since my dearest is feeling rather down lately...I want to do things to make her happy. To tell her that everything will be okay and that I'll always be around for her...no matter what!

And that comes down to my last story. HALO.

It's a game. A video game. And I'm obsessed over it! I want to keep playing it over and over again. I want to be Master Chief!...Wait...I AM MASTER CHIEF!!

So yeah...I'm obsessed with the game.

Conclusion?

I'm bored with toy collecting but not quitting cause I still love having those plastic figurines to play...errr...to display.

I'm happy with my wife and I want to make her happy the best I can. (Sayang...no matter what, you're the hottest wife a man could ever have!)

I am Master Chief.

End.

DG03 and Me...

I haven't updated in a long time eh?

Funny that when I do have the time I actually have nothing to write. And at the moment I'm at wits end on how to continue my research essay for my Art Critic class. Yeah, that seems to always happen...when I got something to actually do, I end up doing something else. And the paper is due this Tuesday...oh crap...but come to think of it I do my thinking better at night. Go figure.

Anyhoo, what I wanted to share is what I've been feeling this past month. The month of April is an emotional month for me, not because of selling my toys or so...but the preparations of my final year students.

Yup, I've been working with two diploma final year students...so what's the difference? This sem its the batch, DG03. I posted once about this particular group a while back, and here its going to be a more elaborate story.

I've worked with DG01 (the first diploma batch of our faculty) and a few of them came back to continue their degree with us (yay!). Then it was DG02 (a rowdy and funtastic group of kids) and I bonded with them, to me and my wife they've become more like friends now.

So whats the difference you might ask about DG03. Simple. I have been with them since day one. My first day at our university was the first day for them as college students. And I have been with them for the last three years. Different classes, different subjects but the same group of kids.

Along the year I saw some not making it...some withered away and just disappeared and some had to defer due to financial matters. It was heartbreaking but, its all about perseverance...

And now these children who have grown into young talented people, are in their final year.

I have been working with them for these past few months on their final projects and I saw that they have grown. The have become bolder in terms of their work and brave enough to keep on seeing our dearest Puan Ellyna (our Programme Leader) which some of them are afraid of...LOL...but all I see is that she just wants the best for them...like any mother.

DG03 has and always be my dearest students. They have seen me go through so much as I have seen them. I have cried and I have fought with them through their toughest moments. They have been my constant reminder of being a teacher...a mentor...a friend. Sometimes I have my moments of whether I'm doing right as an educator and when I think of DG03...I know that things will be okay.

They worked with my beloved wife to give me a surprise birthday party...during one of my classes. A memory that I will never forget. Because it was honest and it was pure. I see them as glimmering lights in the darkness and I hope I am the same to them.

Right now I am counting the days. As I know, after this...they will be going their separate ways. They will go on to find their destiny and place in life. I might see some of them again, and I might not.

But what I know...I will try my best to spend as much time with them for these next few remaining days.

To my dear DG03, maybe I don't say it as much but I want you all to know that I love you all very much and I couldn't be any prouder of each and everyone of you. You have done well and I hope that when you take those steps into the real world, spread your wings and fly as best as you can.

Cause you are my children not by blood, but by the bond in our hearts. You all will forever be MY DG03.

And I wish you all good luck.

I will always be by your side, if not in person but in spirit.

Cecelia Ahern - If You Can See Me Now

Yes...it has been ages since I actually posted anything. Not that I didn't want to write anything, it's just that I never got to doing it.

Please, before anything...getting married did not make my life boring, actually it's more magical, adventurous and mesmerizing...so it was so much fun, I forgot to blog...hah!

Anyhoo, today's posting is something I felt like a story I need to share. It's not about Cecelia Ahern. For those who do not know who she is, well let me tell you. She's an author. A storyteller who wrote P.S. I Love You (the one that there was a movie made). I've read two of her books and I think she is a wonderful, creative and fantastic writer. (Among my favourites are Dean Koontz, Eric Nylund and a few others).

So why am I writing about this? Let's start from the beginning...

A few weeks back, I ran out of things to read. You see, when in the loo, I have this habit of reading. Some might think it as gross, but I for one dear people have been doing it since I found out I could do two things at once in the toilet. So don't judge me.

Looked around the house and I couldn't find any good material (I rarely read trash magazine cause they disrupt my 'flow') until my lovely wife pointed out a book. She said it was from the writer who wrote P.S.I Love You. Since whatever was inside me wanted to be out so bad, I grabbed it!

The title was 'Thanks For The Memories'. The first few pages was a bit slow at first but it got me hooked. Slowly as the pages got beyond the numbers of 10's to 20's...I was literally absorbed. Even when I was done in the loo I felt that I needed to read more, but I refrained. Hey, I need my reading materials to last you know. It took me awhile to finish it but it was a fantastic read. The book made me go on a roller coaster ride of emotions. But when I was done, it was satisfying.

Now...my dilemma came back. More material was required since I'm an avid fan of our amazing creation, the toilet. And not to mention having bowels with none whatsoever restraints.

That's where the next novel from Cecelia Ahern came to be. Titled 'If You Could See Me Now'. Read the synopsis and I thought maybe that it was just another love story. But as I read, it truly was more than what I expected. Not only it was an emotional joyride, it made me laugh...it made me worry...it made me cry...

In less than a week I finished it. It was that good. And unlike the feeling of satisfaction from reading the previous book...

I cried.

When the last page was turned and the last sentence read...I cried. Tears streaming down my face and I slumped myself into my pillow. My wife next to me just smile and giggled. But I didn't care. I felt that I had to cry. I had to let out whatever water dam that was blocking these tears. I cared so much about the characters that I could actually feel them. And that was something I have not felt for a long time.

I've read hundreds of books. But none I can tell you, none made me feel the way this one did. I connected with Elizabeth...I had fun with Luke and most of all, I understood and felt for Ivan. When reading the book, I was with all of them. I saw them moving, laughing, crying and smiling. To me they were as alive as anyone.

So when I finished the book, it was like saying goodbye to new found friends. We were so close, that I felt each and everyone of them.

So I cried after reading a book.

Not just any book.

A really good book.

Wrote by Cecilia Ahern.

If you're one of those who are looking for a good read and would like to immerse yourself in, pick up 'If You Could See Me Now'. And I hope you will have a great time and would feel the same way as I did when I closed and put the book down. I won't tell you the story, that's something you should do yourself. *wink*