Yes...and now it's October...5 days after my birthday. So? Sue me.
Actually, I didn't intend to post anything. I could use this time to do my thesis. Yes. The dreadful thesis that is supposed to give me my masters degree. I'm still at it. Lol.
Not that nothing has happened in the past few months. A lot happened. Went to Tioman. Had our second anniversary there. Then there was our first faculty family day. Yeah and a bunch more. But it didn't actually prompted me to write about it. I guess I was happy.
Until recently.
More specifically last Tuesday. Morning.
I was in class when I received a call from my mother. Apparently my brother called her to ask to pick him up. I saw the time, and it was way too early to be going back. And I found out the reason. Now I can't go into details, due to certain reasons. So let's just skip to what actually happened.
Deciding that I need to talk to the class that belonged to my brother, I thought that...'hey, maybe I can make a change and do some good'...So I went in. Talked. Motivated. Advised. And a whole bunch of other things to boost up morale of this so called class.
An hour plus passed.
I told them to go upstairs together. To apologize and make amends to their teacher, hoping that it would not let the situation go sore.
As I left the class, I felt like I did right. I felt like I gave these kids something. Hope.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Upon reaching my own class, I looked out the window and saw most of the class...leaving. Yes. After all the motivational speech I gave, it was nothing. To them I was NOTHING. Then I remembered one of them actually fell ASLEEP while I was talking. Yes. Without any cover, the moron actually SLEPT!!
But the pain was more in the heart. I was heartbroken. I found out, that only two out of the whole group actually went up to the staff room to see their lecturer.
Only two.
At that time, I looked at myself. And I wondered. What am I doing? Why am I here? Why do I teach? Why do I even care for these people?
Why?
I went to class. Heartbroken. Demotivated. It was as though my whole heart was taken out and thrown to the floor. I can't seem to understand why do these kids do what they do. Do they not want to be someone one day?
Being an Art n Design student is a privilege. Do they not see this? It is a gift.
In the next few days, my mind was tired. My heart felt heavy. After 5 years of teaching...I felt tired. It's as though fatigue finally came to me. Pulling me down slowly. I was looking for a reason, something to keep me as I am. To make me believe what I do today is worth something.
God is Almighty. The past few days, people who I care...be it students and friends came to my aid. My ex-students dropped by to say hello. My friends kept my spirits up by cracking jokes and making me feel good. My mother, comforting me with her praises and words of wisdom. And my wife...my lovely wife kept her spirits up and telling me that reaching to one student, and making them see the light...is more than enough.
Yes. I do feel much better now...
But I would truly feel better if it was my own flesh and blood that I reached.
Actually, I didn't intend to post anything. I could use this time to do my thesis. Yes. The dreadful thesis that is supposed to give me my masters degree. I'm still at it. Lol.
Not that nothing has happened in the past few months. A lot happened. Went to Tioman. Had our second anniversary there. Then there was our first faculty family day. Yeah and a bunch more. But it didn't actually prompted me to write about it. I guess I was happy.
Until recently.
More specifically last Tuesday. Morning.
I was in class when I received a call from my mother. Apparently my brother called her to ask to pick him up. I saw the time, and it was way too early to be going back. And I found out the reason. Now I can't go into details, due to certain reasons. So let's just skip to what actually happened.
Deciding that I need to talk to the class that belonged to my brother, I thought that...'hey, maybe I can make a change and do some good'...So I went in. Talked. Motivated. Advised. And a whole bunch of other things to boost up morale of this so called class.
An hour plus passed.
I told them to go upstairs together. To apologize and make amends to their teacher, hoping that it would not let the situation go sore.
As I left the class, I felt like I did right. I felt like I gave these kids something. Hope.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Upon reaching my own class, I looked out the window and saw most of the class...leaving. Yes. After all the motivational speech I gave, it was nothing. To them I was NOTHING. Then I remembered one of them actually fell ASLEEP while I was talking. Yes. Without any cover, the moron actually SLEPT!!
But the pain was more in the heart. I was heartbroken. I found out, that only two out of the whole group actually went up to the staff room to see their lecturer.
Only two.
At that time, I looked at myself. And I wondered. What am I doing? Why am I here? Why do I teach? Why do I even care for these people?
Why?
I went to class. Heartbroken. Demotivated. It was as though my whole heart was taken out and thrown to the floor. I can't seem to understand why do these kids do what they do. Do they not want to be someone one day?
Being an Art n Design student is a privilege. Do they not see this? It is a gift.
In the next few days, my mind was tired. My heart felt heavy. After 5 years of teaching...I felt tired. It's as though fatigue finally came to me. Pulling me down slowly. I was looking for a reason, something to keep me as I am. To make me believe what I do today is worth something.
God is Almighty. The past few days, people who I care...be it students and friends came to my aid. My ex-students dropped by to say hello. My friends kept my spirits up by cracking jokes and making me feel good. My mother, comforting me with her praises and words of wisdom. And my wife...my lovely wife kept her spirits up and telling me that reaching to one student, and making them see the light...is more than enough.
Yes. I do feel much better now...
But I would truly feel better if it was my own flesh and blood that I reached.
