A Father's Tale...

To my little baby girl,

A few years back, I had an entry for my future child. At that time, we didn't really have a proper name, but it was a name nonetheless for you. At that time, you weren't here yet. And I was missing you terribly.

And here I am again, putting another entry for you.

As of last week, you're 5 months old in your mommy's belly. In another 4 months, we'll be able to see you. God knows how excited both of us are. Waiting for our little girl to come to our world.

When we first found out of your arrival...we had to take the test 4 times to be sure. Actually the third test got us depressed when the doctor said that your mom wasn't pregnant.

We were quiet the drive back home. We afraid to hope. We didn't know what to feel.

Your mother bled the day after, and made an appointment with a doctor later that Friday.

Alhamdulillah was the only thing I could utter when the doc said, 'There's your baby...'

There you were...our little child...slowly growing.

My eyes teared up and the swelling of joy rushed to my heart.

That was a few months ago. And now you've grown strong and healthy...

I've been rubbing your mommy's tummy for the past few nights. Putting oil and gently massaging it so that it would comfort her. What I found out later, that you enjoyed it too. Every time I rub your mommy's belly, I would take the time to talk to you. I'm not sure either you understand me or not...but I just kept on talking to you. My daughter. I would tell you about how we feel for you, how excited and happy we are.

But the most amazing thing that happened was last night. These past few weeks your mommy has been having bad dreams. She kept on waking up in the middle of the night, and would have problems sleeping later. Then last night, I asked you to help her. Help her sleep. I asked for you to try to meet your mommy in her dreams.

The whole time mommy said you were moving so much. You responded to my touch and voice. And I kept asking for you, my little girl to help mommy. She needs the rest...

And this morning, when I asked...she said, 'Your daughter listened to you...'

It turns out that she slept soundly. She had a good night's rest.

Thank you my little unborn child.

I'll talk to you again tonight, and will try to do it every night if I can...so that you'll hear my voice and know, that we're waiting for you patiently.

Mommy and Daddy loves you very much...our little treasure.

Anzen Chitai - Jounetsu

Heh...

I've been a follower of Anzen Chitai for quite sometime. My dad used to play their songs in the morning before going to work and I took a liking to them.

Until recently, I slowly collected their songs from the net. It was kinda hard at first since their songs were way back in the 80's and some weren't in good quality.

About a year ago, I found one of their songs on youtube. Instantly downloaded it and become one of my all time favourites, sadly the quality was really bad and converting it to mp3 just made it worst. So I went on a search for a better quality. Since the original title was in japanese kanji, it was evident that my search will be a challenge.

After a while...I found it.

Downloaded it.

And feeling happy...

So I'm gonna share the link here for anyone else who might want to find this wonderful song from this amazing group...

Anzen Chitai - Jounetsu (Passion)

LYRICS:

Itsuka oii kaketa
Akoga re wa ... mada mabushii no ni
Ima mo Nani hitotsu ... 

Tsukame nai ... Teno hira
TENDER YOUTH x2
Kaze no manazashi ga areba 
KITTO x2
Yume wa hajimatta bakari

Mune ni ... Toi kaketa
Hageshi sawa ... mou ... Tomerare nai
Wasure ... kakete iru

Kono sora o ... Miagete
TENDER YOUTH x2
Ushinau mono no yori tsuyoku
MOTTO x2
Dakishimeru ude ga hoshii
TENDER YOUTH x2
Furi muiteru toki ja nai
KITTO x2
Yume wa hajimatta bakari
TENDER YOUTH x2
Kokoro oto jikome nai de
MOTTO x2
Tsutae au koe ga hoshii
TENDER YOUTH x2
Furi muiteru toki ja nai
KITTO x2
Yume wa hajimatta bakari


Anzen Chitai - 情熱 (Jounetsu)

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Soul of My Soul.

It's been 3 days since I got the news.

I'm gonna be a dad.

Surreal. Exciting. Nervous. Scared. Happy.

Those are the words that roughly describes what I feel at this moment. Coming up to our 4th year of marriage, it was big news. Ever since last year, there have been so many trials for me and my wife. Both personally and socially.

But that is life. More over, it's about growing up. Way of thinking most of it.

I'm gonna be a dad.

That sentence has been playing in my head over and over.

Before getting the news, my wife asked me a simple question,'Why do you want children?'.

I answered with all the usual answers, wanting to continue the bloodline...my legacy etc.

She said, 'that's it?'

I was quiet and thought about it...my answer rang hollow. And I told her the truth...

I wanted a child because...I wanted to know how it feels to be a dad. To have a child look to you and knowing that you'll do anything in your power to give the best in life. To have small hands tugging at your shirt to get attention. To have a little voice calling me, 'Daddy'...

It sounds so simple. But in truth, it's something I want deep inside.

I'm already blessed with a beautiful wife who loves me wholeheartedly.

I never complain that I don't have enough, I know God is great and He gives us the things we wish and want when He thinks it's the best. So I have faith in Him.

Alhamdulillah. I can only thank Him for the gift He's given me and my wife. A treasure.

Our child is still in it's early stages, and I hope...that he/she will grow strong and healthy. I do hope that he/she is just as eager to come out to the world to meet his/her parents. We have so much love to give...

I pray for my unborn child a safe journey for the next 9 months. It's journey to meet us is still far...and during that journey, we can prepare ourselves to be parents in mind, body and spirit.

For when this child comes to meet us...we'll be ready.

Soul of my soul. Child of my heart.

Counting the days.

My Last Post Was in April...

Yes...and now it's October...5 days after my birthday. So? Sue me.

Actually, I didn't intend to post anything. I could use this time to do my thesis. Yes. The dreadful thesis that is supposed to give me my masters degree. I'm still at it. Lol.

Not that nothing has happened in the past few months. A lot happened. Went to Tioman. Had our second anniversary there. Then there was our first faculty family day. Yeah and a bunch more. But it didn't actually prompted me to write about it. I guess I was happy.

Until recently.

More specifically last Tuesday. Morning.

I was in class when I received a call from my mother. Apparently my brother called her to ask to pick him up. I saw the time, and it was way too early to be going back. And I found out the reason. Now I can't go into details, due to certain reasons. So let's just skip to what actually happened.

Deciding that I need to talk to the class that belonged to my brother, I thought that...'hey, maybe I can make a change and do some good'...So I went in. Talked. Motivated. Advised. And a whole bunch of other things to boost up morale of this so called class.

An hour plus passed.

I told them to go upstairs together. To apologize and make amends to their teacher, hoping that it would not let the situation go sore.

As I left the class, I felt like I did right. I felt like I gave these kids something. Hope.

I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Upon reaching my own class, I looked out the window and saw most of the class...leaving. Yes. After all the motivational speech I gave, it was nothing. To them I was NOTHING. Then I remembered one of them actually fell ASLEEP while I was talking. Yes. Without any cover, the moron actually SLEPT!!

But the pain was more in the heart. I was heartbroken. I found out, that only two out of the whole group actually went up to the staff room to see their lecturer.

Only two.

At that time, I looked at myself. And I wondered. What am I doing? Why am I here? Why do I teach? Why do I even care for these people?

Why?

I went to class. Heartbroken. Demotivated. It was as though my whole heart was taken out and thrown to the floor. I can't seem to understand why do these kids do what they do. Do they not want to be someone one day?

Being an Art n Design student is a privilege. Do they not see this? It is a gift.

In the next few days, my mind was tired. My heart felt heavy. After 5 years of teaching...I felt tired. It's as though fatigue finally came to me. Pulling me down slowly. I was looking for a reason, something to keep me as I am. To make me believe what I do today is worth something.

God is Almighty. The past few days, people who I care...be it students and friends came to my aid. My ex-students dropped by to say hello. My friends kept my spirits up by cracking jokes and making me feel good. My mother, comforting me with her praises and words of wisdom. And my wife...my lovely wife kept her spirits up and telling me that reaching to one student, and making them see the light...is more than enough.

Yes. I do feel much better now...

But I would truly feel better if it was my own flesh and blood that I reached.

The Spirit of Friendship

Friends. Everybody has them right? No matter how alone you feel, there will always be this person or people whom you call friends.

Why am I writing about this? Purely simple, to celebrate my friends. And the funny ways we all meet up and get to know each other.

Along the way, I've met up with a lot of people...and there are so many characters, which made my life as colorful.

For example, this buddy of mine Reza. I met him many years ago. I sold him a Transformer toy (specifically Alternator Optimus Prime). That first meeting was casual business and the second time was due to repaint job he wanted me to do. We kept contact when he went to study abroad and I guess from there we became really good friends until today. A riot all the time (and the one guy that could pull of a joke with a straight face) but a friend that I can trust. Now, he's a new dad and I know his kid will grow up with lots of laughs...and toys. From a total stranger to one of my most trusted buddies.

That brings me to another strange yet funny story about how I met my friends Hanan and Alan. It all started many months which actually was years that we have crossed paths. Wha? You might be asking...hold on, I'll get there soon.

I usually frequent a shop in E@Cure (formerly known Cineleisure). The shop sells model kits and some toys. And this one time I met this guy who was holding a Macross Frontier model kit, upon seeing this...I was compelled to talk to this total stranger. Honestly until today I'm still asking, why I talked to this him. I just told him that the kit he was buying was an awesome kit (since I had one myself) and he should get it. So we talked a bit and I left without knowing the identity of this person (in Hanan's version, as soon as he turned to look at me again, I disappeared...like a toy angel...which I think was kinda cool).

Fast forward a few months later, my wife said that there was a friend of her brother's who wants to add her as a friend on Facebook. The reason was he read a note my wife wrote titled ' Why I Think My Husband's Hobby of Building Model Kits is Sexy' (which can be read here) and he saw this pic of a man in a t-shirt and 'kain pelikat' with a HALO helmet. He saw the name of this man 'ryukaze' and he wanted to get to know this guy since he has heard of him before. So adding him to my list of friends we got to talking and got to know each other.

Then I had a kit to sell, and this new friend of mine...Hanan messaged that he was interested to buy it from me. After meeting him and hanging out then it CLICKED! This was the the same guy I met many months ago which I gave some divine advice (wahahahaha). How'd that happened, and my wife was also the sister of his classmate!! Now the world is small right? The best thing is his wife clicked with my wife as well and became really good friends (they both love design, Raiha is an actual interior designer and my wife an actual graphic designer...and they both love furniture). From there on, we hung out a lot and it's become something of a ritual to at least meet up once a week for a movie and drinks. Heck...we love their kids (Emir, Sofea and little Umar) as well!

Now, there was one time we agreed to meet up at Amcorp mall. As soon as I got there, a Chinese fella and his wife was sitting with Hanan and Raiha (which until today I think has the coolest name...heh). Hanan introduced this fella as Alan and his wife Catherine. And here I found out that this was THE Alan that repainted a most excellent Transformers Movie Megatron which always caught my eye at MySciFi Outpost in Cineleisure (see how that place pops up again). He's worked with Hanan a lot of times, and Alan had heard of me before...so we both knew each other by reputation. And not to forget he and Catherine has the most adorable hyper military trained kid Kenji!

After that we'd meet up once in awhile and somehow little stories start popping out and in a way, each one of us has crossed paths with one another. For example, I found out later that Hanan used to hang out at this mamak in Cheras called Nellies during the same time that I hung out there with Traffic Magazine. And another crazy thing, he even visited my office once!! And in Alan's case, my wife has seen him on tv before and I think there were a few times I bumped into him when he was working at Outpost.

And now, I can say that how we met up to become friends was like a strange big loop. I guess things happen for a reason. What if I didn't talk to the stranger at that shop? What if I never got myself in the repaint business...

But what I can say, that I am glad and thankful to meet these fantastic individuals. Which I have regarded as more than just friends. They've become more than that, and this is what makes them great and awesome in my books. The shared interest and the things we talk about...but most importantly is how we have always respected one another and the things we do!

Cheers to all of you and hope that we will always remain great friends until whenever!

ps: this goes to all of you guys in ZeroGunz, Sembangtoys and TransMy!

The Past, The Teacher...

Actually I don't really know how to start this. I had a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to share, but I have to be careful around it. Why? It has something to do with the past. Yes.

Some of us tend to remember our past and regret them, and some rejoice what they went through. I for one have both. Hey, I'm only human right?

You see, if you've read my previous postings...my life has always been a roller coaster ride. There were really up times and seriously down low moments. But what I do remember, I just go through it. But what I really wanted to share is about relationships. I don't know the reason, but I think it has something to do with a question I asked my wife yesterday.

'What if we went to sleep and woke up the next day 15 years ago...but with all the memories of our present self?'

My wife didn't want to. She liked being where she is and who she is with.

So do I. Never would want to go through another 15 years to meet my lovable wife.

But I can't help to ponder on it. I mean there were things that I regret doing, but there were things that I did was the best times of my life. When you think about it, some would agree that they wished they were never with this or that person or never have done this and that...

I too thought that way, but then I realized that it was something that we had to go through. It was our destiny to go through with those relationships. It may have been bad, or it may have been worst, but think about it. At that time you were not who you are today.

I had my fair share of relationships, but my most serious would be the last two before I got married. I won't go into details since it might offend some people, but all I can say is that our break ups eventually lead us all to better places. I don't really know what my exes are doing now, but I know that they are doing way better and living much better. My prayers to them and hope that they will always lead a wonderful life until the end.

All I hope is that they do the same for me. Not holding any grudges and not holding anything against me for the things I've done. Forgive and forget and best wishes.

You see, at the time when we end a relationship we feel that it's the end of our own life. This is due to the routines that we do, the feeling of lost. Thinking that we're now alone and that nobody would love us the way it was.

But it isn't true. Letting go and going forward will show you that there is more than what you had before. There are more opportunities and most of all teaching us to be better.

Years before, I doubt my wife would have liked me. Heh. I was quite emotionally distraught and easily jealous. My anger management was also in disarray and not to mention do not know what to prioritize. Along the way we learn things. And after one relationship you would come out actually better than before. More alert and aware and most important, knowing what you want.

I'm more laid back now and I guess that's good.

I'm just saying that we shouldn't regret the past, but let it be our teachers. Teaching us little lessons in life to make you who you are today. And most of all, making us better human beings. I'm not saying that my lessons in life has ended, I'm still learning. Learning to be a husband, a son, a friend, an educator and later a father. And the best teacher is my past and I rejoice it, and maybe you should too...

Who else knows you more...

...than yourself?

Have you?

Have you ever fell in love and got so heartbroken that you thought life was over?
I have.

Have you had so much hope on something but were let down?
I have.

Have you ever woke up and felt like the day wasn't going to be right?
I have.

Have you ever lost someone close to you that you're still wishing that they were still there?
I have.

Have you hated someone so much that it hurts?
I have.

Have you felt like giving up on people?
I have.

but then again...

Have you ever fell in love and kept on loving this person till this very day?
I am.

Have you ever had so much hope on something and it pays off?
I have.

Have you ever woke up and be thankful to God for another day to be alive?
I am.

Have you ever lost someone and glad to have beautiful memories with that person?
I have.

Have you ever loved someone till it hurts?
I do.

Have you ever had your faith restored in people?
I have.

To have and to do these are not wrong. It is a part of life and it is a part of our being. We were created by God the Almighty to be able to choose things in life. To be able to act and react upon situations and problems given to you.

But what makes your life better is totally up to you. You are the one that makes it better or not. Because it is your life and you have only...

ONE of it.

Cherish it with love and fill it with joy.

(heh...it's just one of those days that I feel like posting something like this...no reason really, just that I'm happy to be alive...that's all...)

ScreenShots: A Stop In Motion

Last Tuesday (1st March 2011) an event was held by my students from our faculty. It was a small simple event called ScreenShots: A Stop in Motion.

Now, what is ScreenShots? It was actually an idea I had awhile back, in 2009. It was supposed to be a screening events for students to showcase their animated or video works. The first ScreenShots: A Series of Experimental Short Films which was held in 2009. It was an amalgam of videos which included music videos, comedy and horror shorts. It was a very very simple screening event and was supposed to be the start of a creative visual fest for students.

And here again, in 2011...ScreenShots is back. But this time it was animation. Not just any kind of animation...

it was Stop Motion.

The idea to do a stop motion project came after I saw a bunch of stop motion videos by amateur animators, and together with another colleague of mine we set forth on this journey to make ScreenShots: A Stop in Motion a reality.

After months of working with the students, teaching them the usage of framing, scenes, character design, storytelling and Adobe Flash...they were ready. Despite the corrections that they had to do, one thing for sure was they had fun. It was tedious, but the fun they had made them wanted to do the best they can.

There were so many memorable animated shorts by students and not to mention Diploma students which shown that with a little push and a little guidance, they can achieve anything. I'm not being bias, but my students proved to me that they had the creativity, the drive and the motivation to do what ever they can. And for that...I am proud to be a part of their education.

If it was possible, I wanted to show off all of their works...just to share with everybody. But alas, time was a constraint and I had to screen those that filled the criteria I needed. No matter, to me they were all winners and deserved mentions.

To DG08A and B, you all did a wonderful job despite having so much work to do. And it was a pleasure to be able to assist you guys and gals.

To DG09, you all are a group that has the right stuffs. You all had the maturity, the drive and the commitment to do your work well. Please keep being the way you are and I know that one day, it will be an asset. I am very proud of you all and it was an honor and privilege to meet and become a part of your education.

ScreenShots: A Stop in Motion was a success and hopefully that they next one will be bigger and maybe, one day...we can do...

ScreenShots: A Tale Through Time...(combining all the students video works...)

Here's to hoping!

Some pics to share.

Project manager Atang discussing with me on his speech. Our MC, Sara was busy writing down her thoughts...

Attendees were our beloved Prof. Madya Tn. Hj. Hashim Hassan among lecturers Pn. Aziyana and Miss Shamini.

Assistant Registrar En. Azman Kamal, En Fendi Shas and few other lecturers and students.

Not forgetting my dearest wife, who has helped by taking photos and also being my main cheerleader for the event.

To My Daughter Khazana Theressa

Well, I'm not sure if I'm still around when you read this...but I would just like to tell you that I'm writing or typing this even before you were born.

To my beautiful daughter Khazana...I dreamed of you again last night. Yes. You have been frequenting my dreams a lot lately and each time I have to wake up, it hurts. In the dreams I would hold you and look at you, feeling so much love for this child. But when I wake up, my heart aches cause I had to wake up to a world without you.

Your mother knows the feeling, and she feels sad that you're not here yet. But I told her it's okay, since I know that you're somewhere. Waiting patiently to come into our lives. I guess God wants you to come to us when we're ready. And I for one wouldn't want anything to happen to you nor not able to give the things that you need and want. Sometimes I feel that you're with me, looking at me with your round beautiful eyes and with full honesty just as how your mother looks at me.

To be honest, as I am typing this I am missing you my daughter. Funny as you are not even here yet I am missing you.

Last night I dreamed that we haven't named you yet. Yes my dear, you had many names before your mother and I agreed on one. Finally we decided to name you Khazana Theressa. The first part of your name was your mother's idea. And it suited you very well, since you are our treasure. And Theressa? Well, I have loved that name for a very long time.

To my daughter Khazana, I know in my heart that you will grow to be a beautiful and intelligent girl just as your mother (if you haven't realized that yet, that was the reason I married her...). You will be responsible and will be able to see which is right or which is wrong. You would come to me for advice and you would love me for who I am. Your father. You would see me as your hero as I would want to be. When you are in doubt, you can always come to me and know that no matter what...I will always love you.

I don't know if you would have any siblings or not, but know this...I will love them just as much as I love you. I will care for them just as I have for you.

But last night I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of the daughter that I would love to have and hold in my arms.

And I am missing her, and hope that I will see her again when I sleep tonight until she comes into my life.

I hope that after reading this in the future, you will know how much I wanted you to be in my life. If there were any misunderstandings or your angry at me for something, just know that I have loved you even before you were born. And I am still loving you no matter what.

Love,
Your Father
Mohd Izham

Fatigue

I'm tired.

Yes I am.

I took a whole week of from work with my wife. Reason for being trying to finish up what I can of my commissioned works.

But what I'm really tired of what people tell me. What people say that I can and can't do. Yeah I know, I'm 33 and I still have people telling me things. I really don't mind actually. It's okay. And I like it that people around me know what I can do.

But it gets tiresome.

It gets boring.

It gets mundane.

Why? Because I don't think that way of myself.

Everyday I am reminded of my thesis. Everybody saying that 'Oh you can write and speak english so well, you definitely can finish it less than a few months...'

What if I can't?

'You can do whatever you want...It's all in your mind!'

What if it isn't?

'People who are doing they're thesis has a common problem. The language and understanding...you don't have that'

What if I'm just like them. What if I have no freaking idea what am I doing?

'Come on...just do the thesis and get it over with...have you started?'

Everyday I am reminded of it. All the time. Not that I'm being ungrateful, it's just that sometimes I just don't want to do it. Is that so hard to understand? Yeah, with a masters I can get a bigger better pay. True. And I really need the money. God knows how much. And it's tiresome to be reminded that I blundered myself in my finances way back. And it's tiresome that it's biting my ass...every single day.

I am blessed. True. I love my life. I love the people around me.

But for now...I'm just tired. In mind. In soul. In spirit.

I'm tired of thinking and worrying. So much noise in my head. So much static.

Every. Single. Day.

All I want is a moment of peace...in my mind. Is that so much to ask?

People have been going around with 'The Secret' thing. The laws of attraction. Want to know my secret? My secret is trying to survive everyday without falling apart.

I just needed to let this out. It's not meant to hurt anybody.

I'm just tired.

Backflashing and Autobots...

It's 4 a.m in the morning...

I finished building another tank for a friend of mine and now my brain is kinda 'up'. Actually I wanted to post earlier but I got hooked up on something else...so when's a good time to blog?

4 a.m...yeah...

Well, it all started a few days ago...lately I've been having flashbacks of my childhood. It's like when I pass somewhere and it just triggers it. And I can actually feel the emotions at that moment...

You see...when I was in primary school I was a victim of bullying. Yes. I'm not ashamed to admit it. In the last two years of my life in primary school I was called names and pushed around by so called, leaner, faster and cooler kids.

Let's start from the beginning...you see, my education started abroad. So when I came back to Malaysia, I was in the mid of the year and enrolled in a normal school. The first day of school was quite horrible that I was culture shocked. And that my dear readers was how I became the fat kid of the class and later school.

I was always last in whatever sports involved running. I was chosen last when we had soccer matches, and sometimes I was only picked since they wanted to just kick the ball AT me...not TO me. It was tough. Due to my size, even some teachers thought I was dumb. I didn't excel at anything and later the kids found a nickname to call and tease me. I was the kid that just wanted to be with friends. To play around...talk and have fun.

I thought wrong.

In standard 5 and 6, I was tormented. Somehow those kids forgot my real name and kept on calling me by that ugly nickname. But me, wanting to be friends...I let them. It hurt my every being. And I got fatter and fatter. I remember my mum saying that I was becoming selfish when it came to food. She was right.

I was fat, ugly, selfish and stupid.

But you know who actually kept me from my path of self depreciation? From further falling into a place where I would never be able to crawl out?

Optimus Prime and his Autobots.

Yup...the fictional character from a cartoon series. And among a few more shows...and their toys. They were the ones that kept me from bad to worst. No matter how bad things were at school, I knew when I got home my 'real' friends would be waiting. My own world where the only limit is my imagination. As soon as I step foot into my room, it becomes another world. Where there are heroes...where good will always triumph. The bullied are safe from bullies.

Why didn't I tell my mum about what I was going through? I guess I wanted to fight my own battles. I didn't want to be the boy who cries 'mama' each time he faces a problem. My mum only knew many years later of my ordeal and she wondered why I never told her.

Later in highschool it was totally different for me. But that's another story...

What I'm trying to say is that toys helped me a lot when I was young. It not only gave me the power to imagine...to be creative...but it also helped me by being my friends when I felt that I had no one. They played out stories that made me laugh and cry. They took me on adventures and expeditions...Where I learned of true friendship and responsibility.

Toys weren't just plastic that I play with, it was a part of my life. A part of me growing up.

Yeah, maybe I was a victim of bullies in school...but if that didn't happen...

I would have never had Optimus Prime and the Autobots as my friends.

I became who I am today if not for the things that I had to go through.

And I am proud of who I am.

Till next posting!

Quitting For Now

Yeah...

Once reading the title you all might be pondering what am I quitting...heh...

Actually this has something to do with my previous posting. Yesterday my wife and I went to meet up with our housing agent and fill in the forms for the loan. And another super news came from our agent stating that there's another unit that if a client of his cancels, will be available by next year in May!! And not to mention an end lot unit!! If things weren't getting better...Alhamdulillah...

That comes to what I wanted to share...I'll be quitting from collecting toys and models, for now that is. I've told my wife that my last item would be one more figure that will be released only next year. After that...there won't be anymore.

I know, some might scoff at what I'm saying...I know...especially my buddies in the world of toy collecting that is...to them, the idea of quitting is just in the head...LOL...

But I'm serious this time around. I guess my priorities are different now then it was before. It used to be trying to get the best figures or the ones that I liked, but it's different as I'm living my life day to day. I remember when I used to dream of being married, having a nice landed property with kids running around...yeah...and I'm living through it now...

Getting married and buying a house really changes your view on life.

The question of why has a pretty simple answer. I want to make my home beautiful. I want to furnish the living room with exquisite furniture (I have my eyes on this awesome 5K sofa from Harvey Norman) and design my studio as how I have always seen it...

My priorities are to my growing family and our home. To make life better and to make sure that my children grow up as I grew up...enjoying their childhood...run around the grass and have adventures that only their wonderful minds could create...

Once in awhile I might pickup a figure...but it all depends on wether I still want to or not, it is now by choice...

For now, Master Chief and Cortana has found their home...in a new colony outside the outer rims...(actually Puncak Alam isn't as far as some might think...)

And hopefully once we've set up our new base of operations, there will be little Spartan II's making it a much livelier place...

I thank Allah the Al-Mighty for giving us this chance. And hopefully I can also be a better Muslim, husband and father...

The Goof Groove Mood...

Heya peeps...

Yeah..its been over a month. Well, the last post was a day before my birthday. I'm 33 now. Yep. Yessirree...33 years old. But to reach that particular birthday was a roller coaster of a ride. It was the most challenging 3 weeks for me.

I'm still 'ere. Means I survived it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And yes. I do feel stronger. More confident. More assertive of myself.

Someone asked me if I've stopped blogging, well actually not that I've stopped...I'm just lazy sometimes...and I think if I wanted to write about something...I should write about something that matters.

From the date of my last entry there were a bunch of stuff that went on. Good stuffs. One of it was receiving almost 200+ birthday wishes on my Facebook page. All I can say it meant something to me. Each and every wish was replied. Yep. Each one. But it was worth it.

But the one thing that I'd like to share is that my wife and me have...(FINALLY)...been able to procure a house. With land. Eventhough it'll be ready in almost 2 years, it will be worth the wait. God knows our search for a house that was within our price range was getting depressing by the day. We had to take into account of a lot of things...distance, area, pricing, developer and so many...dear God...so many other reasons. Last weekend, we found what we were looking for...but it was all sold out...but we still gave our names for the waiting list and quietly prayed that there was something...a unit at least for us.

Last Tuesday was considered the downward spiral for both of us into the depths of depression. Yeah, we were tired and weary of going to and fro to areas and show houses. As the end of the day was coming to an end...my wife looked as though she was going to burst into tears. But I kept on telling her that there is a house...waiting somewhere for us. We just need to keep our heads up and hopes high...All she said was, 'You're a very optimistic person Yayang...I love you'. I guess, learning to be optimistic was a very long and painful journey and it must have been for the days that I go through now...

But then...a phone call I received the next day made both of us realize, that being optimistic and believing in God has its rewards. We got it.

We got a unit. And not just any unit...the one we wanted. The bigger one.

My wife felt like a heavy boulder has been hefted off her and I felt a kind of relief and joy of this sudden amazing news. Then we started imagining on the stuffs that we wanted to do, until to a point that my dear lil' wife couldn't sleep. She was that excited!!

It'll be a bit far, but I think we'll manage. So in 2012...insyaallah, we will be residents of Shah Alam 2, Puncak Alam...a beautiful and breathtaking place surrounded by green and fresh air.

And for the past few days, I've been a bit lazy. Lazy to do my commissioned works. Not that I'm purposely not wanting to do it...it's just that I wanted to take some time off...I'll get cracking on it very soon...but for now...

I just want to goof with the groove...

Why?

I'm tired.

Yeah. Right this moment I am. Fell asleep for a bit while reading HALO: Contact Harvest, and now I feel a bit energized. But yet I'm still tired.

Why?

Coz I get tired after being pissed off. Yep. Apparently being ticked off uses much of my energy nowadays. LOL.

Why the anger you ask the goofing groover?

You see earlier today I found out that a a group or a few people said some pretty bad things about me. Yes. Another one. But it came from a few people. To my 2nd boss. Yes, pretty shitty right? How I knew? A few people who weren't happy with what was happening came to me. They were unhappy and felt unjust with what happened. They came and told me to be ready.

Actually I was really caught off-guard with it. But I chose to ease down on the rage and keep my head level. At first all I wanted to do was rush to these so called 'backstabbing bastards' and pile up a few kilograms of pure Spartan II fists in their faces.

But what good will it do? It'll only prove them right and I have stooped to their stupidity and ignorance. And I for one am not in that league.

My wife and colleagues came to my aid. They talked and tried very hard to keep me calm. And upon posting a status on my FB page, my students came to my aid...which really help me wind down and remember what I was here in the first place. (Thank you all!)

I came to Unisel officially in 2007. With that I brought in my heart that I wanted to share my knowledge and experience to the younger generation of designers. I filled my head with grand ideas on how to teach effectively and plans so that the groups of graduating Art and Design students of Unisel are the best of the best.

Yes. That was my dream. It still was until earlier today.

I was shattered when I was told that I was bias...some students felt that I didn't teach them anything...I didn't give them the marks they deserved...and a bunch of other things that was kinda hard to believe that I did. I was so angry but yet I was sad and frustrated as well.

After awhile the sadness actually kicks in. And here I am...typing this very words with my heart aching. As a friend of mine mentioned in one of his comments, 'this is one of the challenges of an educator'. How true it is.

My approach in class has always been free. Why? Because being free unties the bonds of creativity. I joke. I tell stories. I teach. All the while hoping that what I impart on these young minds are knowledge that they can use in the future. That is an educator's hope.

But what happens when the joy that you instill in class is misused? Taken advantage? When students simple does not come to class because...they simply don't want to? The first thing you'd look at yourself and try to fix the situation. But when the situation does not improve? You work with what you can and adapt.

That is what I did and now it bites me in the ass. What a wonderful turn of events aye?

I'm bias?
Yes. Yes I am. I'm bias to students who commit themselves to my classes and do their work. I'm bias to students who are honest with me and want to learn. I'm bias to students who submit their work on time and shows effort in doing it. I'm bias to students who come to see me to show their work progress and gives me originality. If that is what I am bias about then yes, guilty as charged.

They didn't learn much in my class?
Well, I think I've been teaching for almost 4 years now and this is new. I mean how can you learn anything if your always missing from class? Don't these students understand that coming to class means coming to get knowledge. Do they expect me to go to their house and teach them while their sleeping and snoring in their comfy smelly beds? Coming to class late means you've missed a good portion of lecture and you can't expect me to give you a full 2 hour lecture again? Don't you think it's unfair to your early bird friends? So tell me my dear students, which part of your story is true? Did I or did I Not teach you enough? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask that.

They say they didn't get the marks they deserve?
How can I give you an 'A' for an effort that deserved a 'D'? How can I pass the student when it is clear that he or she submitted work that is a complete failure? Do these students not understand that if you want an 'A' then they should give me an 'A' effort. Not sketches on a piece of A3 paper and a character design done in the few minutes before your presentation. Plagiarism, should there even be marks for that?!! This is where the 'not-coming-to-class' PLUS the crappy work submitted comes to play. And you expect me to give you an 'A'?

So yes, at this moment I am sad. Why? Because there are individuals whom I call students have come to judge me and accuse me of not being a proper teacher.

All I ask is to look at yourself before passing judgment. Look at yourself whether you're the perfect model student to actually utter those words?

I really do hope these students of Art and Design Unisel (they are no students of mine...and from today onwards I do not know them) read this posting. I really do.

But then again...even if they do, will they understand?

I doubt it.

My Cousin Ahmad Fakhruddin (D.D.)

Hello all,

I was blog hopping as usual cause I remember a posting about my late cousin that I posted a long time ago. It was on my Friendster blog, but it was deleted due to inactivity. In the years I thought that the post was lost since the original text itself was gone.

Until today...

Yes apparently the posting was transferred to another account of mine and I found it...and I would like to share it with you all...

The post was dated 1st July 2004 which was three days after he passed away...

My Cousin

Hey everyone…I’m not used to posting things but I thought of wanting to share something with all of you… On the 29th of June 2004, my cousin, Ahmad Fakhruddin b. Samsudin passed away. He passed away due to some heart complications. He left a wife and a daughter and he was only 23+ years old.

When I first heard the news from my mother, I couldn’t shake off the shock that was going on in my head. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that he was gone. As my mum left me in my room…I cried. He wasn’t just my cousin, he was my unofficial brother. His real brother, him and me were known to be the 3’s Stooges in our family. Despite being only cousins, our bond was just as close as we were real brothers. Whenever I was back in Terengganu, all three of us would get together and do the most craziest things. When we got older, we spent a lot of time talking about our lives. Even though we were but phone calls away, but being around one another was the best. We would talk about our dreams, girl problems, anything to seriousness until nonsensical stuffs. But the times when we were together felt like hours. We’d hang out near the pier at night and talked. Drove around and ‘kacau’ the ‘bapoks’…it was the time of our lives.

Now, he’s gone. No matter how I look at it, he's really gone. During his funeral I kept looking around maybe he would pop up and laugh his head off saying it was a prank. But seeing him on the bed. Lifeless…it was true that he has left this world. Before his burial, I gave my last respects and kissed his forehead. It was cold. How can a body so warm and full of life now be so cold. His brother held my hand and we held each other looking at our brother. It was goodbye. It was the last time, the ‘3’s Stooges’ were together.

Until now as I’m typing this out, my heart still aches. There were a lot of things that I didn’t get a chance to say. But the most is ‘I’m sorry…’ and ‘Goodbye…’ When his body was taken into the earth, I looked on. I looked around and saw the people which lives he has touched. He may not have had a high education, but he had a heart bigger than anybody else. He’s responsibility to his family has always had my respect. He loved his wife and he loved his daughter very much. He didn’t say it, but he acted upon it. And actions do speak louder than words. He had the biggest laugh among us, and there were times that he would talk to me about his problems. Being afraid for his daughter, afraid of what kind of husband and father he would be. But I always told him that he did fine, and there was nothing for him to worry about. Due to that, it shows…what a responsible and loving person my cousin was. D.D, my brother…I’ll miss u a lot…and there won’t be a day from now on that I would ponder on my own mortality and the times we had together…

You’ll always be my brother…

Al-fatihah…

And as I read this again after all these years...I still feel sadden by his passing. I still feel that he was still around and would call me out of the blue just to talk...His passing reminds me of our mortality and what we would like to be remembered for when we are gone...

Even after 6 years...I still miss him.

JUSTIFICATION THROUGH RETALIATION

Hello all...

It has been awhile since I've written anything here. Guess there weren't anything to write about until...

today.

Why you might ask? oh...it's nothing...just a retaliation of some wrongly written things about me. The writer. The current blogger for Goofing Grooves. Moi'.

Okay. Where should I start. Should I copy and paste what was written? My mum says...'yah...u shud.'...

here it is...

I was with this one guy for a few years. I can consider him as one of my serious relationships. He almost fulfilled the requirements that I need in a boyfriend. He was sweet, funny and cute. We even talked about marriage and stuff. But the thing is, he was too immature for me. And his sisters hated me so much and seriously, until today I don’t know why. One of his sisters even tried to do something bad to both of us, and she succeeded. During that time, I was the one who constantly spending my money whenever we go out. Yeah, he was sort of a cheapskate. But I don’t blame him totally, both of us were students at that time. He also controlled my life and he didn’t even like my best friend, and I’ve known my best friend first before him. So, I dumped him. A few years later he did call and ask how was I doing, we both didn’t want to hold any grudges etc, so I treated him as a friend and vice versa. Then, he went MIA for few years, and called me again after I got engaged and that time I think he wasn’t that sincere of being a friend and he actually doesn’t really care if I’m doing ok or not. Because you see, on that both times when he called, he was actually telling me that he has a girlfriend! I mean, he called me only TWICE, YEARS apart from each call and on both times he told me that he has a girlfriend. If you’re truly a friend, you will call me, maybe like once a month to say hi and stuff, right? And he bragged about his relationship and even shared some intimate stuff about his girlfriend with me. WTF?? I don’t know what he was trying to prove. And one thing that makes me want to hate him again for being so immature, he got married just two weeks after I got married! I was in a relationship with mr raiders 7 YEARS before we got married. And this ex of mine got married to his gf just after months of courtship! Memang la org kata jodoh kat tangan Allah, but gimme a break! All that I can see and assumed from my point of view, his ex probably didn’t want to get married early, so he dumped her and knowing that I was getting married, he quickly proposed and marry his new gf so that he can show me that he’s also married. I know I sound so perasan but can’t you get married in 2-3 months time or the next year? Why the date have to be close to mine????

Oh well, syukur sangat I didn’t marry him.

Thats the gist of it. How I knew about this? Well, a personal friend called me up a few hours ago. And told me to look it up. He even texted me the link! (Such a good friend...if you're reading this...thanks bro!)

After reading that (the text colored red) what do you all think? Sounds amusing at the same time eh? I was angry about it. Yes I really was angry. After so long of not feeling this anger, I actually didn't know how to handle it.

I guess what I'm writing right now is purely for justification. I mean...I'm shown here as an 'asshole' and...I got a reputation to keep right?

Alright, let's get down to business...

First and foremost, I don't remember chasing after this girls tail. She was chasing me. Leaving written messages on my dad's car and all...LOL...imagine the look on my dad's face. So there, I felt that I was obligated to attend to this girl's attention. We became a couple. What can I say from this coupling?

Fun. Adventurous. Thrilling. Until...

Yeah, when the fun was over...when the ugliness of oneself starts to show...

It was said I was a cheapskate...That's partly true. I was a student and I believe that I shouldn't spend my money on trash. (oh did I say trash? oops...) I guess she forgot to mention that when I started working I was literally funding her. Yeah. Bought her stuff, paid for things...the usuals, paying the cover charge for those stupid clubs. I hated it, but I still went and paid for the sake of...*gasp* LOVE? hahahahahahahahahahahaha

My sisters didn't like her...well, they still don't. Get over it!

I'm immature. Heck I still am! But when it comes down to things, I man up. Unlike some people who writes about her past exes and make them sound like the victim...oh boo hoo! Now who's immature? Is it still me? Hah!

I controlled her. Wow. That's a big understatement (know what that word is?). It worked both ways my dear. You controlled me, I control you. Even steven. You just didn't get it. Bet you do now eh?

I called TWICE and told her I had a girlfriend at that time cause she asked. Wonder why that slipped from her statement. Oh yeah...the victim. heh. So what was the reason of those calls? Let me remember...

1 - To ask an opinion about something that I can't remember.
2 - To say condolences about her mother's passing. (good grief...someone calls you to say that he's sorry about that and you only thought that he was being an asshole...wow...have some respect woman!)

but this is the best one...

And one thing that makes me want to hate him again for being so immature, he got married just two weeks after I got married! I was in a relationship with mr raiders 7 YEARS before we got married. And this ex of mine got married to his gf just after months of courtship! Memang la org kata jodoh kat tangan Allah, but gimme a break! All that I can see and assumed from my point of view, his ex probably didn’t want to get married early, so he dumped her and knowing that I was getting married, he quickly proposed and marry his new gf so that he can show me that he’s also married. I know I sound so perasan but can’t you get married in 2-3 months time or the next year? Why the date have to be close to mine????

heh...when I read this I was the one that went...WTF?!

Well, I would assume that 7 years was the amount of time that she needed to mature and realising that she needed to get married. Or needed to save money...hardy har har

I for one didn't give a rat's ass about when she was getting married. I didn't even know when she was getting married until I was already planning for my date with the 'kadi'...AFTER OUR ENGAGEMENT!

I left my previous ex because...YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH! it was mutual and we parted well. Unlike that person who left me for dead for the next two weeks...

Yes...you are that perasan la...get over yourself la.

And from what I can see, you still have problems believing in GOD...ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY. Know him? He is the creator of all life...that includes you and what ever you shoved up in your mouth...

Oh...who the FUCK are you to set a date when people should get married. Geez...

Now let's go into some facts that she has...forgotten to mention.

- didn't mention that I spent shitloads of money on her when I was working.
- abusive. physical. yes. if i'm not mistaken, you're the one that punched, kicked and pushed me down the stairs. say whaaaaaaat?
- stupid. yes. you. were.
- you were the one that wanted to get back with me after dumping me...sad ain't it...

Yes she said about not holding grudges and all, but don't you think that she's doing that right...wait for it...about now?

I'm the type that don't write about this kind of things. Especially about ex-girlfriends. Why? Cause I think it's just not so cool. And please la. The past is the past. It's been years...I mean almost a decade. Why do people cling on things like this? Guess some people don't mature as well as I do...eh wait...I'm immature...so that means...oh...I'm wise...yes...like Yoda wise...LOL

Before I shut down, I just wanted this person to know that I never held any grudges when she was seeing another guy behind my back (ANOTHER FACT!) and I'm only doing this in retaliation. That's all.

Oh...one more thing...

After a lot of pondering years before...you're the rebound girlfriend. I never said it or mentioned it cause it was...not cool.

And...

yes...thank ALLAH (remember HIM again?) that we're not married....and another thing, I married the most AWESOME woman in the world. Something that you will never be.

Cheers!

HALO and Me. Again.

Oh hey...Didn't see you there...I'm fine actually, just came out of a bad flu, cough and whatever else that those nasty viruses can do...*cough*...

Well, I have been pretty busy lately. The students are on their break, so we don't have much to do in the office except prepare for our subjects next semester. But I do have things to do at home, especially my commissioned works.

Aside from that, I've been doing a lot of...nothing. LOL.

Actually I wanted to share is what I recently purchased and read.

The story goes, I went to one of our shopping complexes last week with my wife. Headed to my usual stops, but there was nothing new. And all of a sudden I had this sudden urge to go to the other wing. Which I have not gone for...quite sometime.

My wife asks,"Why are we heading to the new wing dear?"

I looked ahead and aswered,"I'm not sure..."

Wife: " Something you want to get?"

Me: "Not really...I just feel like I need to go there..."

Wife: "Oh...okay.."

As soon as we got there, I went to Parkson...and after browsing their toys, we decided to go to the bookstore next to it.

I headed straight to the graphic novels section and started to browse...

Avengers...JLA...Wolverine...X-Men...Transformers...

and suddenly...

a lone book peeked out from those wonderfully arranged books...

my heart skipped a beat...

I was afraid that maybe my eyes were playing tricks...but...

I'm sure...thats...the Chief...

gently I pulled out the book...and...

OMG...

it was 'HALO: The Graphic Novel'...

I grabbed it and went downstairs...spent sometime looking at other books with my wife and paid.

And left.

Once home, gently browsed through the pages and all I can say it was beautiful. Drawn by some of the best talents in the industry and written so well taking all there is about HALO and make it into beautiful storytelling...

And not to mention just the week before, I picked up myself another HALO book titled 'HALO: Ghosts of Onyx' another wonderfully crafted piece of literature by Eric Nylund.

Once I was done with the readings...I realized that the world of HALO is a part of me...

ME, my wife and HALO...

These past few days I've been trying really hard to put something up on this blog. And today I have decided to do it. No need to plan out, just open it up and type what ever that crosses my mind...

Of late I haven't been in sync with my toy collecting part of myself. Why? I kept wondering about that...Heck, I even posted about it in one of the forums I go to...until today I still ask that question. Nowadays, I'm not that crazy about toys. Not like before. Used go bananas at the mere sight of a new toy, but now...Some of my friends said that I'm bored with the toy lines that I collect, they said I needed a change of air...but I don't think so. Maybe I'm bored of the toy collecting field...

You see I'm the type that only buys the one I like or which looks good with awsome poseability. And the figures I have are usually one off for me. I'm not a completist or a poser. I know what I collect. I know the characters. And I have come to know a few if not a lot of people who collects for their own peace of mind. They know the things they collect and they know the characters. Those have become my dear friends and have my absolute respect.

Its the other bunch that I can't stand. Those who collect for bragging rights. Those who knows nothing except that which is a repaint or a reissue. Those who say, "oh...this is nothing much..." and BOOM...you see a figure the size of car...I mean...WTF? What are you trying to prove? It's like comparing who's dick is the longest contest. So maybe that is one of the facts that I'm losing interest...who knows, I might sell off my whole collection and get myself a sofa, a new television set and an X-box!

Now that's where my next paragraph will bring us.

I have realized that sometimes, as a guy we have the tendency to carry on our simple single dude way of life. In our humble home, we don't have a sofa. We use two single mattresses and put a nice cover on it. That's our sofa. It's comfy, it's nice and it's not expensive. I was kinda happy with that, cause having a sofa in our apartment brings to me this problem when we have to move later. Well, that's the dude part of me thinking. I managed to discuss with my cutey little wifey about what I think and she was okay with it.

Or so I thought.

Actually she wanted a sofa. She just agreed with me to make me happy. And for that I felt like a doofus. She has made so much sacrifices for me and I think I should make her happy. Get a sofa. That's all. And worry about how to carry it down all the way from the 11th floor later. I mean, we're not moving that soon...so we can get a sofa. A REALLY NICE SOFA. (here's for you beautiful!)

She gave me the green light for an X-box...so I should make her happy right?

Being married is trying to understand one another and supporting each other. And since my dearest is feeling rather down lately...I want to do things to make her happy. To tell her that everything will be okay and that I'll always be around for her...no matter what!

And that comes down to my last story. HALO.

It's a game. A video game. And I'm obsessed over it! I want to keep playing it over and over again. I want to be Master Chief!...Wait...I AM MASTER CHIEF!!

So yeah...I'm obsessed with the game.

Conclusion?

I'm bored with toy collecting but not quitting cause I still love having those plastic figurines to play...errr...to display.

I'm happy with my wife and I want to make her happy the best I can. (Sayang...no matter what, you're the hottest wife a man could ever have!)

I am Master Chief.

End.

DG03 and Me...

I haven't updated in a long time eh?

Funny that when I do have the time I actually have nothing to write. And at the moment I'm at wits end on how to continue my research essay for my Art Critic class. Yeah, that seems to always happen...when I got something to actually do, I end up doing something else. And the paper is due this Tuesday...oh crap...but come to think of it I do my thinking better at night. Go figure.

Anyhoo, what I wanted to share is what I've been feeling this past month. The month of April is an emotional month for me, not because of selling my toys or so...but the preparations of my final year students.

Yup, I've been working with two diploma final year students...so what's the difference? This sem its the batch, DG03. I posted once about this particular group a while back, and here its going to be a more elaborate story.

I've worked with DG01 (the first diploma batch of our faculty) and a few of them came back to continue their degree with us (yay!). Then it was DG02 (a rowdy and funtastic group of kids) and I bonded with them, to me and my wife they've become more like friends now.

So whats the difference you might ask about DG03. Simple. I have been with them since day one. My first day at our university was the first day for them as college students. And I have been with them for the last three years. Different classes, different subjects but the same group of kids.

Along the year I saw some not making it...some withered away and just disappeared and some had to defer due to financial matters. It was heartbreaking but, its all about perseverance...

And now these children who have grown into young talented people, are in their final year.

I have been working with them for these past few months on their final projects and I saw that they have grown. The have become bolder in terms of their work and brave enough to keep on seeing our dearest Puan Ellyna (our Programme Leader) which some of them are afraid of...LOL...but all I see is that she just wants the best for them...like any mother.

DG03 has and always be my dearest students. They have seen me go through so much as I have seen them. I have cried and I have fought with them through their toughest moments. They have been my constant reminder of being a teacher...a mentor...a friend. Sometimes I have my moments of whether I'm doing right as an educator and when I think of DG03...I know that things will be okay.

They worked with my beloved wife to give me a surprise birthday party...during one of my classes. A memory that I will never forget. Because it was honest and it was pure. I see them as glimmering lights in the darkness and I hope I am the same to them.

Right now I am counting the days. As I know, after this...they will be going their separate ways. They will go on to find their destiny and place in life. I might see some of them again, and I might not.

But what I know...I will try my best to spend as much time with them for these next few remaining days.

To my dear DG03, maybe I don't say it as much but I want you all to know that I love you all very much and I couldn't be any prouder of each and everyone of you. You have done well and I hope that when you take those steps into the real world, spread your wings and fly as best as you can.

Cause you are my children not by blood, but by the bond in our hearts. You all will forever be MY DG03.

And I wish you all good luck.

I will always be by your side, if not in person but in spirit.

Cecelia Ahern - If You Can See Me Now

Yes...it has been ages since I actually posted anything. Not that I didn't want to write anything, it's just that I never got to doing it.

Please, before anything...getting married did not make my life boring, actually it's more magical, adventurous and mesmerizing...so it was so much fun, I forgot to blog...hah!

Anyhoo, today's posting is something I felt like a story I need to share. It's not about Cecelia Ahern. For those who do not know who she is, well let me tell you. She's an author. A storyteller who wrote P.S. I Love You (the one that there was a movie made). I've read two of her books and I think she is a wonderful, creative and fantastic writer. (Among my favourites are Dean Koontz, Eric Nylund and a few others).

So why am I writing about this? Let's start from the beginning...

A few weeks back, I ran out of things to read. You see, when in the loo, I have this habit of reading. Some might think it as gross, but I for one dear people have been doing it since I found out I could do two things at once in the toilet. So don't judge me.

Looked around the house and I couldn't find any good material (I rarely read trash magazine cause they disrupt my 'flow') until my lovely wife pointed out a book. She said it was from the writer who wrote P.S.I Love You. Since whatever was inside me wanted to be out so bad, I grabbed it!

The title was 'Thanks For The Memories'. The first few pages was a bit slow at first but it got me hooked. Slowly as the pages got beyond the numbers of 10's to 20's...I was literally absorbed. Even when I was done in the loo I felt that I needed to read more, but I refrained. Hey, I need my reading materials to last you know. It took me awhile to finish it but it was a fantastic read. The book made me go on a roller coaster ride of emotions. But when I was done, it was satisfying.

Now...my dilemma came back. More material was required since I'm an avid fan of our amazing creation, the toilet. And not to mention having bowels with none whatsoever restraints.

That's where the next novel from Cecelia Ahern came to be. Titled 'If You Could See Me Now'. Read the synopsis and I thought maybe that it was just another love story. But as I read, it truly was more than what I expected. Not only it was an emotional joyride, it made me laugh...it made me worry...it made me cry...

In less than a week I finished it. It was that good. And unlike the feeling of satisfaction from reading the previous book...

I cried.

When the last page was turned and the last sentence read...I cried. Tears streaming down my face and I slumped myself into my pillow. My wife next to me just smile and giggled. But I didn't care. I felt that I had to cry. I had to let out whatever water dam that was blocking these tears. I cared so much about the characters that I could actually feel them. And that was something I have not felt for a long time.

I've read hundreds of books. But none I can tell you, none made me feel the way this one did. I connected with Elizabeth...I had fun with Luke and most of all, I understood and felt for Ivan. When reading the book, I was with all of them. I saw them moving, laughing, crying and smiling. To me they were as alive as anyone.

So when I finished the book, it was like saying goodbye to new found friends. We were so close, that I felt each and everyone of them.

So I cried after reading a book.

Not just any book.

A really good book.

Wrote by Cecilia Ahern.

If you're one of those who are looking for a good read and would like to immerse yourself in, pick up 'If You Could See Me Now'. And I hope you will have a great time and would feel the same way as I did when I closed and put the book down. I won't tell you the story, that's something you should do yourself. *wink*